Zarban's lightsaber battle project (Page 4 of 22)

I can help film, man. Shoot me an email. I have a busy couple of weeks, but after that I have an open schedule.

Niken's ship

Draft 2 of the script, with notes from Teague and Bathilda. I've elaborated on the fight a little and made it seem more of a trap.

I've tried timing this out, and it seems to run about 7 minutes; that's quite a surprise for 3 pages.

Last edited by Zarban (2014-07-02 01:52:27)

Goooottt it. So, just to be clear, Jedi-girl is setting a trap for Sith-boy? I didn't catch that the first time. There's probably room to push that point even further if you want.

...or is it Darth Voyne/Niken setting a trap for Butterfly with the probe droid?

The fleshed-out fight scene is super fun! I can't wait to see it!

Ok, late to the party, but I hope you don't mind some small ideas for the script.

First of all, do you have a sequence in mind of who activates their saber first? I would imagine giving each their moment of activation can up the "cool" factor for the kids-not that it isn't alright high enough.

If you want a twist, here is some food for thought. You can do a fake out for the Sith master and have Butterfly take the ship back to the Sith base, and the door opens, revealing Butterfly instead of Niken. Like I said it is work in progress but might be something.

The probe droids withdrawing could included, as the ship arrives, giving it a more ominous tone. Like the droids move to retreat, and Butterfly tries to follow. Again, just a thought.

On another note, what lightsaber props are you using?

Yeah. That is all I really wanted to present. I wasn't sure what direction you were thinking so I imagined some possibilities.

As for props, I'm hardly the most experienced here, but I have had some success with PVC for custom hilts and and saber blades. It also would be lighter and hopefully easier for them to handle.

Again, I have no doubt that many others will have suggestions besides me (and probably better ones) but it is a fairly cheap way to use for blades and customize them.

Well, I don't charge much

My thoughts, for what they are worth:

• The probe droids returning to the ship are not loss. It's pretty obvious action that doesn't need a visual to indicate it. I agree on that point. Having a shadow hover over Butterfly and then retreat, plus the report, works pretty well.

• I'm rereading, but did you remove the cousin reference? Just curious on that but I also see places to put it back in.

• I like the ending to this script, both the trace, as well as the holgram fade and her looking to the sky. A good fade out moment, with fanfare and everything

• Possible thought-have Voyne offer to use her to replace Niken as the apprentice? It's little more than subtle word play but it was a thought that came to my mind.

I do like this version, overall. Works very well. Those are just some more food for thought.

It's weird, the knee-jerk Pavlov shit I have with the simple image of a felt frog being shaken.

All I hear is "YYAYAYYYAYYYYYYYYAYYY."

Yeah, it was just a matter of phrasing in my head. It wasn't that important.

I liked the cousin link but I get why you would lose it. So, no worries there. Again, personal preference rather than something important.

Anyway, regardless, I still think it works.

Not nearly as difficult as you think it is. The hard part is going the other direction.

Need a novelization? Naturally, given the massive lead time I'll need, I'll be working with the spec script and fill in any missing details with my own unsold story ideas...

Ooooh, plus then someone with drawing arty skills could do the thingies.