The Hyacinth Disaster (Page 1 of 2)

This is fantastic. I'm so proud to be a tiny part of this; you should be over the moon. The world's gonna love it.

Random Thoughts, Spoilers and Punchlines in Black

Episode 1:

• The exposition-dump intro was a good call. Much smoother launching ramp than previous versions.

• "53 lives are at risk and my ship is falling apart." I don't remember that line — if it's always been there, cheers; if it's new, great addition.

• Con getting frustrated and button-mashing prior to "Con, what's wrong with the network" is when I noticed how well-done the sound design is.

• The Grimm performance is great, too.

• Distortion on the first radio conversation with Dreadnought is fantastic.

• I totally buy Dreadnought's character, too; this is a well-Boted endeavor indeed.

• By the time of Con's line "depth, Dreadnought," I'd noticed this is a fantastic thing you've made.

• Con's hand-off from 'talking to Dreadnought' to 'throwing Dreadnought under the bus' plays very naturally.

Episode 2

• I love the lowpassed dialogue under the spoken intro at the very beginning. Cool choice.

• 1) The song surprised me and was funny. 2) I think it works perfectly. (We never got it perfectly in sync, of course, but I think it probably plays better with loose sync. Radio latency n'allat.)

• "We're staking a lot on Dreadnought" is such a helpful line for the audience.

• "Four inches." "That is five inches bigger than I like spiders to be." Great.

• 9:40: I just realized that's a bridge-whistle sound effect you're implying. I love it so much.

• Dreadnought makes an indignant stand, and I totally believe him. High-quality Boting continues.

• Sidebar: I'm so happy the Invid shoutout is in there. For any uninitiated folks [possibly in the future], Invid was a regular around these parts from the beginning, who passed away due to illness last year. I don't feel unsafe assuming he would have really dug this project.

• Dreadnought's Con-vs.-Conlin confusion is also a fun moment.

• I too was swept up in the celebration.

• "Eleventy billion dollars" made me laugh. In my defense, I forgot this line was coming.

• "He's gone." Good cliff.

Episode 3

• Sorry, not many individual comments at this point, I'm sucked into the story.

• The static on Grimm and Argus' conversation is perfect.

• The PA system echo is also perfect.

• The without-sound gag is pretty friggin' amusing.

• You've done a great job differentiating Grimm's voice and Con's.

Episode 4

• The duct tape line plays very well.

• "Not that finger." lol.

• "Your ship is already broken fool." She sold the hell out of that "fool." Very specific delivery required; very specific delivery attained.

• Bomb under the table with the crew knowing Argus' leg is ripping while Argus doesn't; solid plotting.

• Howabout that death scene, though? Yeesh. Intense.

• You are a professional sound editor now.

• "Dreadnought to Con?" You magnificent bastard. This is so good.

Episode 5

• Good performance from Dreadnought at the beginning.

• Grimm going back for Dreadnought works well.

• "You'd think" is perfect.

• Damn, Boter's killin' it.

• Humming in pain is so, so, so good. So good.

Episodes 6 and 7

I kinda boned myself leaving detailed feedback for the other episodes, because now I can't slip quietly past 6 and 7 with a polite "I liked it" and no further details. I did keep feedback in-detail, but I think I'll summarize it instead. Generally, you lost me pretty early on in 6, got me back for a moment after Grimm blew himself up, and then I was checked out for the rest of 6 and 7. Everything hit a wall for me; the plot slowed, the scenes slowed, the acting seemed to become actier and actier, and we were left with the three characters I'm the least bought-into for the last hour of listening; Blue and Finch because I don't feel like I know anything about them and can't tell 'em apart [which is another way of saying I don't really know them], and Grimm because... well, he just feels kinda one-note when he's on his own. I feel dumb saying this, for two reasons: 1) Grimm actually has a rad arc, and 2) if nothing else, you did name him Grimm.

There are editorial resolutions for some of my issues, but there aren't editorial resolutions for most of 'em.

I'm just one guy with an opinion, and I take zero pleasure in sharing it in this case; unfortunately, on a 'the needs of the story outweigh the needs of the players' level, I'd be remiss not to mention it. I think the last two episodes kinda kill this thing, and in order to get around that... shit, sorry... I think you'd need to recast Blue and Finch and slug in new line readings throughout. I think part of the issue with not being able to tell them apart is that they never differentiate themselves as individuals, and I think a large part of that is a result of them never really feeling like characters at any point throughout, because they never really leave the starting line in terms of believability. (I'm so so sorry. They seem fabulous.) We'll be in a scene with what-feels-like a bunch of characters, and when Blue or Finch pops in for a line — often closer to a singsong audiobook reading than Something Meant To Be Believed — it usually skates in that moment because of the ensemble. When the ensemble's gone... oof. Were I not listening to this intending to give feedback, I wouldn't have made it very far into Episode 6, man. I'm sorry. With the exception of right-after-Grimm-blows-himself-up, I was actively wanting it to be over for most of both episodes. I'm assuming 'recast and re-record' is off the table, so I'll stop typing about it — shutting up.

Sorry. Sorry sorry sorry.

I'm chalking Hyacinth up to merely being staggeringly impressive for a first big work of fiction, and resigning myself to merely being blown away by what you've accomplished. I really can't tell you how impressive this is; it places highly on my all time holy-shit list for something-a-dude-I-know made, and this is a list that's been open to new contenders since like 2002. Hyacinth hasn't lifted you to sudden real-deal status; it has trebucheted you.

I can't wait to see what you do next. Standing ovation 'til then.

-Agreed. Shit that was hard to listen to. Glad I listened to that one at home rather than on the road like the previous one.

And yeah, I am super impressed with the sound design in here, absolutely immersed in what's going on.

What everyone said previously. But I'll give an Academy Award to Boter for that ".... Yeeaahh??" in Episode 1 when asked if the scanning can be finished in less than an hour. The delivery is absolutely hilarious.

Absolutely amazed by the work you did. The writing is top-notch, the performances are excellent, the sound editing just right. I'm really proud to have been a little part of this from script read-through to the trailer (which is showing good progress). It's inspiring and makes me feel like a complete useless piece of nuclear run-off. You've created a world, man.

Damn it, forgot to mention this, but yeah — same.

Boter:

"I'm 24, dood"

Doesn't get old.

Last edited by Saniss (2017-12-07 15:10:55)

Grimm's character schtick is that he's surly and abrasive. When he has no-one to be surly and abrasive to, I could see how it can feel one-note. "Oh, Grimm is being grumpy again." I think that can coexist with a great character arc. I'll admit that I felt the series was at its best when it's an ensemble all playing off of each other, three or more people in the scene at once.

When I listen again, I'll see if parts of it feel overly act-y in there. I think I may have caught a few whiffs of it on my first time though, but not enough to yank me out of what was happening.

Listened through once, MP3s played over my car's audio. My biggest gripe is that the cacophony of tones and alarms overpowers the voices pretty regularly. A bit of compression might have saved this for me, but it also seems odd from a cockpit-voice-recorder standpoint. It's like you've had it both ways: found footage and immersive audio.

Teague's performance rocked my world, further galvanizing my fandom. The Grim-Dreadnaught scene had me going misty, as well as Blue's big monologue. Banter and world building: all high marks; references and callbacks: ditto. One exception there: did "high-explosive solutions" get a rule of three? I only noticed it twice. Sobered by the Invid ref <hat tip>.

Tense scenes: I feel like the performances could have been more nuanced. Line readings are mostly good, but they show evidence of being, "readings," as opposed to delivery of memorized (or putatively extemporaneous) material. Again with the beeps and sweeps: there's a baseline of noises when the tension is off so I mostly tune them out to hear the words, so I didn't feel the pressure being applied by the sfx as acutely as you'd like.