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TOO LATE! I've already devoted my life to worshiping Christopher Hitchens!

Here is the first limerick in my forthcoming Hitchensian Bible.

Christopher Hitchens, the barracuda,
opined on the fellow of Judah
   Drank wine till he crawled
   Got fat and went bald
And ended up looking like Buddha

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My grandparents were Baptist evangelists (traveling the country, singing, preaching, saving souls) and were the salt of the earth. Much of my terrific family remains religious.

I realized that Christianity was a misguided attempt to explain history and create a stable community when I left my small town to go to college. But my faith had been strained for a few years before that when I got tired of the youth minister pleasantly instructing me about what a sinner I was when I never did much of anything wrong. Baptist ministers love to tell their congregations that they are terrible, backsliding sinners for some reason.

But then, that's about all they've got once you've accepted Jesus as your savior and gotten your ticket to Heaven. After all, except for televangelists, Christians don't claim that God will make you prosperous and fruitful and destroy your enemies anymore.

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Ask a dozen regular Christian churchgoers their understanding of Satan, demons, Hell, and judgment, and you'll likely get a dozen different answers, most of which come from pop culture. There's no explanation for Satan or demons in the Bible, but they're all over the place in the New Testament.

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Best wishes to everyone. I scanned a bunch of old family photos and copied them to portable hard drives to give to my brothers and sisters. That went well.

I got some jeans and 2 Steve McQueen movies, raided from my Amazon wish list, which reminded me that he used to require boxes of blue jeans and whatnot in his movie contracts and take them his old reform school to spend time with the boys on the holidays. So I donated a few bucks to a couple of homeless shelters in his honor. Complicated man, but cool and properly Santa-minded.

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But seeing someone take credit or money for someone else's work and creativity is crossing the line for just about everyone, including the share-it-all-on-Pirate-Bay crowd.

My guess is that the current generation will age out of bit torrent life and condemn its excesses in the same way that young people aged out of psychedelic drugs and turned on them in the 1980s. They're heady with power now but will change as they age and discourage their own kids from doing what they did. It will never go away, but may greatly diminish if it's really stigmatized.

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Oh lord. It sounded like a lawyer wrote that apology, but this is just getting weird.

EDIT: I wonder what Gaffigan and Lennon think about this. They're both respected writers. And comedians in particular are rabid about material being stolen. I bet Lennon won't say anything (he doesn't want to burn any bridges as a screenwriter), but Gaffigan will say something publicly before long.

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