See, that's what I'm talking about. I have absolutely no idea what a "gamertag" is. The last video game I played was Snake. On my phone. In 1994.

Somebody have pity on us morons and explain how this is supposed to work like we're two years old.

I'm late to y'all's party, but what the hell.

First things first: Editors are the most irritable, unpleasable people in the world. This is a fact. How do I know it's a fact? Because I am one.

Second thing: We are whining our asses off about some really stupid shit here. Oh, it says "Import iMovie events" when you first fire up the app, that means it's a toy for children. Come the fuck on. That's just petty and stupid.

But there's a third thing, and it's important: Lost in all our whining about stupid shit and just being generally disagreeable people is the fact that Final Cut Pro X has a number of crippling design flaws that cannot be worked around, handwaved away as "innovations," or fixed in a dot release.

I'm talking about things like project management. Final Cut Pro X doesn't have any. At all. Period. It has no bins. You want to organize your footage by putting shots in bins? Tough. You can't. You have to use annotations and canned searches. That's fine if you're cutting the video of little Timmy's third birthday party to post on Facebook for the grandparents, or if you're editing out the part of the gang-bang where your hot young wife got the shakes and had to lock herself in the bathroom for half an hour before she was ready to pull the rest of the train. But if you're doing a TVC — screw the really big jobs, the hourlong scripteds or the docos or the features, just a simple thirty-second spot — you're going to end up completely lost in a sea of 200 shots that you simply cannot organize because the program won't let you.

And that trackless "magnetic timeline" Apple thinks is such hot shit? It's a calamity. See, timelines have tracks for a reason. It's not just a thing that makes editing easier. It's necessary for collaborating with others. When you're done cutting that commercial you nearly killed yourself over because you couldn't get your shit organized, the first thing you have to do after picture lock is send an EDL to the transfer house so they can grade and transfer your selects. FCP X can't do that. It's not that the feature isn't there. It's that the program can't, because Apple in their infinite wisdom decided a magical trackless timeline was more important than being able to fit into existing and established post workflows.

"Oh, well, EDLs are obsolete, you should stop using them." Thanks, Apple. That really means a lot. I'm glad you think the most basic tool editors have is obsolete and should be forgotten. But screw that because it's not about EDLs. You also have to send an OMF or an AAF to your audio guys for mixing and VO recording, and you have to send an AAF or an XML to the online guys for finishing. Guess what? Can't do any of those things because fucking Apple doesn't think fucking tracks on the timeline are fucking important.

Yes, we're whining. Yes, we're unpleasable. But underneath all that, we've also got legitimate reasons why FCP X is not now and will never be usable for post-production.

"Everything changed in post," they said on Tuesday when they shipped it. Yeah, Apple. It sure did. Only not in the way you were expecting.

I've had a few other choice words to say on this subject. Anybody who gives a shit (which you shouldn't) can read them here.

Transformers.

And to hell with your sarcastic-air-quotes "opinion," Alien 3 is a masterpiece of modern cinema and no mistake.

If I remember right, Chuck Plwiahusnethnick has gone on the record more than one saying that he thinks the film of Fight Club is better than the book.

You're a giant baby.

And 2001 is not incomprehensible. It's just that some people don't comprehend it until it's explained to them, is all. Riddick, by comparison, is neither incomprehensible nor uncomprehended. It's just not a very good story, down in the details.

At the very least, they should provide you with a cushion or something. What is this, the middle ages?

I do not like fantasy. Swords and dragons and spells? Knights and jousts and plate armor made of such highly polished aluminum you can see the camera crew reflected in it? Fuck that shit.

Then I watched the first three minutes of the first episode of "Game of Thrones."

I'm about fifty pages from finishing the first book tonight. Got sick of waiting a week to find out what happens next. And if any of you motherfuckers spoil anything for me, I am going to cut off your cocks and feed them to the goats because I am the blood of the dragon.

Well, thematically it's a mess. The whole last-scion-of-the-godlike-aliens or whatever bit just has no business being in the movie at all — and as I understand it, it wasn't in the version that made it to cinemas. The Jack character doesn't actually play any real role; she's just there as a call-back to the previous film, and oh by the way, tits. Riddick's story is almost completely unlike the hero's journey, so it ends up feeling meandering and unmotivated. He doesn't so much go on a quest as he does stand there while a quest happens around him.

But damn, if I don't love it anyway. I'd pay more than I'm proud to admit to see a good movie set in the same universe, with the same production design and overall feel.

Duly noted in the ship's log.

Okay, so full disclosure right up front. First of all, I haven't listened to the episode yet. Shut up, it's on my to-do list. Second, I've only skimmed what you guys wrote. Because you guys, goddamn, you guys.

But lemme just say this.

The Chronicles of Riddick is a bad movie. By any reasonable standard of movie goodness-or-badness, it's a bad movie. Well. By most reasonable standards. None of the actors flub their lines. The sets do not fall down or catch fire at any point that wasn't on purpose. The film is in color for its duration. And so on.

But by any standard that doesn't evaluate the film on whether all the frames play back in order and the sound is in sync, it's a bad movie.

That's thing one.

Thing two is this: I love this film. I love it for what it tries to be. It's a Conan story, for chrissakes! Change the proper nouns, and this could have been written by Robert E. Howard himself. It's low fantasy at its lowest, and it's wonderful, and I love it for that.

But more than that, I love it for the place it takes me to when I watch it. I love the smell of it. I love the art direction. The ice planet with the fingerprint topography, the Mediterranean world, the fire planet, the subterranean prison. It's imaginative, and that counts for a lot with me. No part of the movie looks like the forest five miles from downtown Vancouver. Every place in the film has a sense of place. The Necromonger ships in particular are fucking gorgeous.

So we've got a compelling story, and a setting to knock your socks clean off. What's there to complain about? Well … everything else, really. But that's just it: I don't care. The things I love about this movie I love so much that nothing else matters. I make no apologies for its shortcomings — and they are legion! — because I need no apologies. I just don't care that it's a bad movie. I love it because of what it gets right. It doesn't get much right, but goddamn, what it does get right it gets completely right.

I wanted to like the Donner cut, but I just couldn't get past the use of screentest footage. I know why it's there, I get that it wasn't a choice anyone wanted to make, but I just got hung up on it anyway.