(2,082 replies, posted in Off Topic)

WTF, Luc Besson? WTF?


The title sequence is promising.

We get a Watchmen-esque depiction of the International Space Station's evolution through the ages. The various astronaut teams conform to the most obvious ethnic stereotypes, but the other aspects of this opening work fine.

It only gets worse from here.

After the first glimpse at the idyllic pearl-farming society I already started suspecting that they're a Ba'ku/Na'vi-type race wronged by some evil humans. Those suspicions turned out to be correct, but I had to sit through a whole bunch of convoluted set pieces to get to that point. While those set pieces look very impressive, they feel like separate episodes barely related to the main plot.

Valerian and Laureline's introduction is full of clumsy "as you know" dialogue. When they enter the city they both live in, we get an even clumsier piece of exposition as the computer tells them everything about that city. It's supposed to house thousands of species, but very few of them are utilized in the movie (I'll get to them in a moment).

Speaking of the two main characters... They're just not very interesting. Dane DeHaan is terribly miscast; he looks like a strung-out junkie, not a badass space agent. Cara Delevingne isn't any more compelling. These characters needed charismatic actors with chemistry between them.

Rihanna seemed somewhat likable as the PG-13-rated erotic dancer just because she's an abused refugee, but her only role is to serve Valerian and then be killed off, which evokes the stereotype of a disposable sex worker.

Members of the alien race that abducted Laureline are just as disposable and just as stereotypical. Apparently they're less intelligent than human and have a primitive tribal society, so they can be killed like insects - a very unfortunate throwback to the European colonial attitude that will offend any Trekkie's humanitarian ("touchy-feely", as Uncle Trey once put it wink ) sensibility. They're treated worse than the Gungans in TPM. This might've been an intentional reference to old sci-fi/fantasy (the original comic book is 50 years old), but it just doesn't play very well in 2017.

Just like Avatar, Valerian felt like a passion project that the director had in mind for decades and, when finally given the chance to film it, couldn't bring himself to kill his darlings. What we got is a badly constructed plot with amazing eye candy. A writer with less attachment to the source material could've probably delivered a tight script instead of this mess, but, just like George Lucas and Jim Cameron, Luc Besson made the fatal mistake of writing it himself.

(I know it feels like another incoherent litany of random complaints from Marty, but I just can't help myself. This dud is another wasted opportunity for a great space adventure and it pisses me off.)


(197 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Reading LOTR in the original English was excruciating for me. The elaborate terminology didn't bother me at all (I found Dune, which has just as much unique vocabulary, to be a pleasant read), but there's something detached and stiff-upper-lippy about Tolkien's prose that put me off. You can easily tell the guy wasn't a professional writer.


(29 replies, posted in Episodes)

This is pretty cool.


(68 replies, posted in Off Topic)


Seriously though, this could be Star Trek's Logan.


(1,397 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Teague wrote:

Seriously, if you're unfamiliar with that site, I've got some good news for you: shitloads of great content.

Checking it out now. Looks very cool indeed.


(1,397 replies, posted in Off Topic)

It's the 30th anniversary of a media prank that remains a mystery to this day - the Max Headroom TV signal jamming incident.

A blast from the past:

(The subtitles aren't entirely accurate.)


(1,397 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Star Trek Continues ended with a great two-parter (thanks for everything, guys).

Kibouchi wrote:

BR2049 was a massive financial failure, so we will likely not be seeing any more.

Yeah... It made less than half of Transformers 5's worldwide gross.

Here are the three Animatrix-style tie-in shorts released for free by Warner (they're preceded by Denis Villeneuve's intros).


(99 replies, posted in Episodes)

Rian Johnson to create all-new Star Wars trilogy


(68 replies, posted in Off Topic)

I'm starting to really like The Orville; the show is having a lot of fun with Star Trek tropes while delivering some interesting social satire.

It's still a little too early to pass definite judgment on Discovery. The "darker and edgier" tone and other similarities to Stargate Universe can be the show's downfall. Discovery can work if the writers have a plan for the whole season (or even the whole series). If they're making it up as they go along, I don't see much chance of success.

I went to see it and all I can say is

A month ago I wasn't sure who should direct a Deus Ex movie. Now we have a soild candidate for the job.


(398 replies, posted in Off Topic)

A new trailer for The Last Jedi.

EDIT: I think it's quite promising (except for that Pikachu creature on the Falcon, which may turn out to be another misguided attempt at Ewok-esque cuteness).


(343 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Teague wrote:


So sexy. (Click to enlarge.)



(27 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Deus Ex. A lot of potential there (although, as Ghost In The Shell proved, it's possible to totally screw these things up; hopefully Blade Runner 2049 will explore some of this territory better).

But the more important question is: who should do it? Existing video game movies leave much to be desired (even Duncan Jones blew his shot).


(398 replies, posted in Off Topic)

This should be fun.


(2,082 replies, posted in Off Topic)

I watched this shit so that you don't have to.

The DiF commentary for the first one mentions a Shakespeare quote: "A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing". The Last Knight isn't even a tale, it's incoherent rambling.

The plot is an unfocused mess that makes Dark Of The Moon look like Shawshank.

Just like all the previous Transformers sequels, The Last Knight clumsily retcons the history of Cybertronians on Earth (which also turns out to be a giant robot). Megatron isn't Galvatron anymore, without any explanation (he might've gotten a new body from Quintessa; how and why they met is never clarified). Several Decepticon characters get introduced only to be dispatched by the Autobots in the next scene. The two Dinobots don't do anything interesting. Mini-Dinobots exist solely for kid appeal, as does "Little J-Lo" and her pet robot.

Even Stanley Tucci and John Turturro aren't very fun to watch this time. Anthony Hopkins does the best he can, but the script gives him no help (I hope that at least he got paid well for this). The robot characters don't fare any better (John Goodman's talents are totally wasted) and the few transformation sequences we get seem less impressive than the ones made a decade ago.

To add insult to injury, the aspect ratio changes at almost every shot transition. It must be an IMAX thing, but I can't figure out why was it carried over to home video releases; it can be very distracting. Some movies (like Scott Pilgrim) use this gimmick for a reason; here it makes no sense whatsoever.

There's a silver lining to all this, however: box office suggests that many moviegoers don't fall for this crap anymore (even China generated significantly less profit this time).

Easily the worst one yet.


(68 replies, posted in Off Topic)

From what we've seen so far, this may be Abramsverse: The Series with focus on battles in space. The "exploring new worlds" aspect is absent so far (hopefully this will change a bit in the upcoming episodes).

I didn't hate it. I still prefer to think of it as another alternate timeline; trying to fit all the new stuff (like the various redesigns and anachronistic technology) into the Prime Universe is just too cumbersome.


(68 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Regan wrote:

'The Orville' episode 1

I was expecting a disaster; it turned out to be watchable. The real thing premieres in two days cool


(38 replies, posted in Creations)

MartyJ wrote:

A new episode! big_smile

We can stop worrying about Colin's involvement: http://www.starwars.com/news/j-j-abrams … 1069686719


(633 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Faldor wrote:

Mars Needs Moms

Doesn't hold a candle to Doom - an awesomely rich story with complex characters, subtle acting, accurate science...


(633 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Faldor wrote:

Episode 134 Blade Runner 2049

You're not losing anything by avoiding Independence Day: Resurgence; it really is quite awful. Emmerich had Jeff Goldblum & Brent Spiner and no idea how to use them.

On one of the DiF commentaries somebody quipped: "Shyamalan is on his way back!". It's no longer a joke after Split  tongue

Denis Villeneuve at the helm really gives me hope. Aside from The Martian (easily my favorite Mars movie nowadays), Ridley Scott's work hasn't been great lately (I'd rather wander through the desert for 40 years than watch Exodus again).


(11 replies, posted in Episodes)

Plinkett's review of the 2016 remake:


(1,397 replies, posted in Off Topic)


(958 replies, posted in Off Topic)

Jimmy B wrote:

Anyone who has seen Attack The Block has seen Jodie Whittaker as she was the woman the kids mug.

Anyone who's listened to the DiF commentary knows her as "British Felicia Day"  smile

(Welcome back, Jimmy.)


(38 replies, posted in Creations)

Oh, look! A new episode! big_smile