It is high time for a sequel. A Google translation from English to Latin and back into English makes Star Trek Into Darkness sound like the King James Bible... with gay crossdressers and wolves.
DISCLAIMER: The subtitles are quoted solely for the purpose of parody.
STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS
STAR IN THE DARK
Damn it, man! That was our
ride! You just stunned our ride!
It is naught, that a man, Which was to be
the United States! You just is dumbstruck the challenge of Eros!
Kirk to Shuttle One.
Church Ray One.
through the jungle wearing a disguise!
in the pride and wearing a dress!
(At Starfleet's annual LGBT pride parade.)
You sure you don't want me to go instead?
Thou indeed, O, to pray for me would you like?
to hide a starship on the bottom of the ocean?
Starship Troopers, to hide in the bottom of the sea?
(A Heinlein adaptation by Irwin Allen?)
Still in the volcano, sir.
But on the mountain, O Lord.
Yeah, and that's gonna render him inert!
Yeah, and that it is stupid who loves or pursues him!
(Momma says stupid is as stupid does.)
I cannae guarantee we can withstand the heat!
I Cannae our faith and who can abide in the heat!
(The Dude abides...)
- Bridge to Captain Kirk.
- Yes, Lieutenant.
- Remains Bridge to guide the church.
- So it is, vicar.
Is Commander Spock on board, sir?
Spock is high in the ship, my lord?
Think how incredible that's gonna be.
How much more credible is the ability to love.
Hey, ladies. Jim Kirk.
Sexy ladies. Jim church.
Admiral?
Keeps you safe!
(I told Gandalf I would keep you safe and safe is where I'll keep you.)
Gentlemen.
O ye men.
(...of little faith.)
the indigenous species
the Aborigines
I am Vulcan, sir.
I am the Fire Lord.
(A firebender?)
You have any idea what a pain in the ass you are?
You have an idea, which is a pain in the ass?
So tell me what you did wrong.
Say, I pray thee, because thou hast thou done me wrong.
I wouldn't have risked my First Officer's life
I want my life to be endangered
It's a pattern with you!
An example is you!
You got your ass handed to you
You gave up your ass
(Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant,
nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass...)
Congratulations.
The world's largest.
What did you tell him?
Thou shalt say unto him, What hast thou done?
it's Jim Kirk.
not a church, Jim.
First Officer
Prime Minister
Commander
The Emperor
John Harrison
John duke of the air
(An airbender?)
- What's in the bag?
- James, not now.
- What is in the bosom?
- The mother of James, and is not.
You got something to say, Kirk, say it.
You did say something to the church, say.
that senior command gather captains and first officers
senior government officials, the princes and the ministers and gather together in the first place
without warp capabilities
not washed from China
Is he defecting?
There is no fly
(There is only Brundlefly.)
a region uninhabited for decades.
Inhabited by arsenic.
(And old lace?)
He's gotta be hiding there, sir!
Gotta in the secret chambers of the house is it, Lord?
(Jim Kirk And The Chamber Of Secrets.)
Klingons and any other potential enemy
the Klingons in potency
(Klingons don't need Viagra...)
Well, now he's a fugitive and I want to take him out.
Even now I want him and a vagabond.
Pike always said you were
The wolf is always for you
(May the Wolf be with you.)
photon torpedo
photon lethargy
You park on the edge of the Neutral Zone
Thee hath risen the midst of the river upon the bank thereof, from the Moors
(There is only one river, there is only one sea
And it flows through you, and it flows through me...)
you haul ass
you shall have an ass
Bones
the bones of the grave
Regulations aside, pulling your ass out of a volcano was morally right.
United remote is decent and large ass Hill.
(I like big butts and I cannot lie...)
I'm not gonna take
I am not a lamb of god
(So who will take away the sin of the world?)
Captain Kirk
Leader of the church
I've been assigned to the Enterprise by Admiral Marcus.
The place assigned him to the to allow North Korea 1000 through the class.
Mr Scott raises yet another point
The world's largest search engine, receives an but some other
the type of fuel
such fodder
Now if you'll excuse me, sir, I have a warp core to prime.
If, then, again, excuse me, O Lord, in the warp, and the woof, my core, to a first.
your vitals
the bowels of your
Report to the med bay
The tongue was speaking at med
(So it's a Pentecostal church?)
It's a warp core.
Korah, even a leprosy.
We have our orders, Scotty!
Command line, Scotty!
(It's a UNIX system! I know this!)
I'm sorry, that was inappropriate.
I am distressed, which is absurd.
Mr Chekov. You've been shadowing Mr Scott.
Chekov Mr. You Mr. shadow organizations.
You're my new Chief. Go put on a red shirt.
You are my new thing. Go in a red shirt.
Mr Sulu
Mind Mr.
Thank you, Mr Chekov.
Allow interest rates, consumer Chekov.
Channel open, sir.
Japan Open, O Lord.
Attention, crew of the Enterprise.
Listen to allow North Korea from China.
Christopher Pike
Christopher Wolf
(Is he related to Winston Wolf?)
Per Admiral Marcus
Through the fleet of Mark
Dr Marcus
Mr. Smith
I can only assume the Admiral is your father.
Is the father and I am in the French Prefect of the fleet.
emergency stop
end of the football season
It's rusty, but it's good.
Waxed fat, but that which is good.
Absolutely not.
Not really.
You tell him you have a bunch of real big torpedoes pointed at his head
The true call of the great and the finger of the head of a bunch of torpedoes
play nice
amuse himself
Is that a problem?
That this is absurd
told him to bluff
to himself a musician
And enough with the metaphors
Sufficiently enlightened
I am detecting a single life sign in the Ketha Province.
I sign her husband Keith in the province.
Attention, John Harrison.
convert AC into the air.
a shuttle
that which is cut
I would prefer
I am more evil
not to discuss this at all
cheerfully quick and dead
(Always look on the bright side of death...)
Admiral Pike
Prefect of the wolf
Confusion.
This is a shame.
Loneliness.
Privacy.
We'll fit.
Interesting.
- Lieutenant.
- Thanks, Captain.
- Count.
- Leipzig, chief.
Stand down!
Arise, and they have howled!
(Like a wolf?)
and we'll be on our way once the warp core is repaired.
But at the same time, our journey, and I will be the order of panegyric, and he repaired.
I'm gonna take a blood sample.
I am from the blood of the Lamb of the sample.
- How the hell do you know that?
- Bones.
- Do you know What is hell?
- Bones wonder.
I think you'd find my insight valuable, Captain.
I think I found my precious angel.
(My precious!)
Ignore me and you will get everyone on this ship killed.
Not have you ignorant, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive on board killed me.
(Ask, and ye shall receive...)
So shut your mouth.
And the mouth is closed.
Scott.
New York.
That's why I forged my transfer
Why do you and my name shall be great in the translation
onto your ship
upon thy beauty
Christine, yes. How is she?
A Christian, and that it is. What is it?
gorgeous woman
white woman
(That's racist!)
I think I can work some magic on your missile.
I am able to do a magic weapon.
down
is not fun
(Yeah, Down's Syndrome is no fun at all...)
Sir, the torpedo just armed itself.
O, throw away the fury of the rejoicing as the armed force.
(And there was much rejoicing.)
What the hell happened?
That which hath been is in hell
(Hell hath no fury like a captain scorned.)
Ten. Nine.
The ten commandments. 3.
(Shomer Shabbos!)
This fuel container's been removed from the torpedo
This is the food is, from the moment he dwells in a lethargy
You are suggesting
Intimate art
(Porn?)
And then he purposely crippled your ship
And is himself to a ship that was lame
(And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those
that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others...)
Marcus would finally have the war he talked about.
Mark, in short, in the war and from their mouths.
in a room full of unarmed Starfleet officers.
crime in a room full of Starfleet.
There's a ship at warp heading right for us.
There'sa the ship, leprosy, heading right for us.
unexpectedly malfunctioned
malfunctioned hope
personally come to the edge of the Neutral Zone?
himself to the edge in the middle of the financial crisis?
(Occupy Wall Street!)
Where is your prisoner, Kirk?
Perm where he was taken to the church?
But I made a mistake.
It is a sin.
we woke up the rest of his crew
the crowd was aroused
of Khan's true location in the med bay
true location of Genghis Khan, the med bay
I told Marcus we were bringing a fugitive back to Earth.
M. I even unto the land of Nod, leading us to.
(And Cain went out from the presence of the Lord,
and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.)
If you think you're safe at warp, you're wrong.
Goods are in peace, in the warp, and the woof, Pray, if you will be seen, you are wrong.
He's gonna catch up with us, and when he does
Be with us the likelihood of Sterilized by doing so
Damage report!
Loss of reputation!
Where's the damage?
Where is the evil?
you went rogue in enemy territory
allow him to do one came, was wicked in the field
Target all aft torpedoes
Target torpedoes Blessed be all
(Don't forget the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!)
Our shields are down!
Our shields are, and they have howled!
as few members of the crew as possible
that the members are from the United States than the
This indicates that you plan to align with Khan
By which is signified, that thou hast, that align the palace at Pella
(Pella, Iowa?)
You're right!
You say!
Mr Sulu, what is the status of the other ship?
Mind the Moors, which is a state in the other ship?
Boy, you're a real comfort.
you are a boy, are true.
Come on, come on, come on.
I came, come, come.
(Come with me if you want to come.)
there is debris directly ahead
Malaysia, directly in front
Mr Scott, where are you?
The world's largest lakes, where are you?
My helmet was hit.
of my head And Israel smote him.
- There is debris directly ahead.
- I see it.
- That by itself and before the pumping.
- Video.
Mr Sulu, did we lose Khan?
Data Bali, we lose the king?
Was Khan hit?
Leo's palace?
hitting your target destination is mathematically impossible
drink in China is based on the numbers can not
That person counting down
Which man, kneeling down
(Kneel before Zod!)
I think you're hearing things, mate.
I thought you, what you hear, and his female.
Hello.
Afternoon.
You made an incursion onto an enemy planet!
Raids over you, the lion!
(Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!)
But I could stun your ass and drag you out of that chair.
I, and the ass, shall be astonished, and to bring them up out of that shall be among you.
We have no transporter capabilities.
with anger: They are not possible to us.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
Mr. Ambassador.
Jump! Jump!
Arizona! We apologize!
Evacuation protocols initiated.
Dung protocols allow him to do was instituted.
- Mr Spock!
- Mr Scott.
- a mixture of Mr. Spock!
- Mr. stress.
I'm scared, Spock.
I am nervous, Spock.
You saved my life.
Testes.
Excellent.
Permanent decorations.
It's gonna be fun.
Massage is a lot of people.
So honor the valiant who die 'neath your sword
But pity the warrior who slays all his foes...
We have a lot of old words which are being repurposed
