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God, I hope this is in 3D.

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I wonder if it would have been eligible for the 'Best Original Song' Oscar, given the transformation they made to it. I hear Malkovich is annoyed that he won't be eligible for 'Best Supporting Actor', just because he was inside Andy Serkis the whole time.

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Having now completed the arduous process of filming my stuff, I believe I am now more than qualified to provide valuable notes on my contribution, despite not having seen the whole script.

I believe my 'speaking in tongues' scene should have sub-titles: first, Japanese, then Greek, then Klingon, then Dingbats. The last sub-title should be "Oh, ho! Let's go!"

I believe the scene where I solve the Rubik's cube in under seven minutes (apart from that one corner, which doesn't count anyway) should be left uncut, so as to raise the project from merely artistic to almost wikipedian.

The inexplicably unasked-for shot where I'm riding on the roof of a blazing car as it careens down a hill should clearly be the last of the movie. Although I disagree, I would understand your decision to cut before we hit the ice cream van.

I think the credits should be done in the style of 'Dallas', only with more Hagman.

I hope this helps.

Oh, and for everyone else who hasn't read the script either: spoilers!

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Okay, I managed to get all the principal shots processed down to about 125MB; they're uploading now.

Next, I'll be going through the driving-around shots, and I expect to upload those within a few hours.

You might have to pull moving silence from the window shot, as the only explicit silence we captured was background noise while parked, since we inadvertently shot one of the scenes with the door open.

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Sure, I'll try.  I have Mac, Windows and Linux systems around the house, with at least what they come with by default, but most of my pro software is for audio and composing (Cubase, Sibelius) not video editing as such.

Oh, wait, I do have Handbrake installed, which I use to rip DVDs to my iPod, and I'm sure it has a pile of format conversion options.

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By the way, Teague, if I were to upload everything I have, it would be around 12GB.  Is that a problem for you, server- or bandwidth-wise?

I'm planning to pare it down and organize it according to your suggestions anyway, but I'm still pretty fluey, and it's tiring, so I may not get it as cleaned-up as I'd like.  I don' t know what kind of internet plan you're on, but if it's anything like the kind of cell-phone plans you have in the States, I don't want to be blowing your caps or burning your money more than necessary.

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Am off to do my remaining shooting now -- three (!) people are helping.  It's like I have a film crew. Ideally, I won't cough up a lung while on camera, but you can cut that out, right?

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How do you know that wasn't why he was at the bottom of the Mariana Trench the other day?

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That's it. I'm filming mine on the Moon.

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A LITTLE TOO EAGER

I am happy to wear a rubber nose and play Zarban's enormous part, if he doesn't think he'll be up for it due to ...

SARCASTICALLY

...wardrobe malfunctions.

My agent is ready to talk.

DOES THE EXTENDED THUMB/LITTLE FINGER PHONEY GESTURE

Call me!

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Also, how about props?  Can I wear a hat?  In one of my quiet shots, could I be checking my twitter or eating a banana or doing a Rubik's cube or fiddling with a sonic screwdriver?

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