Re: Last movie you watched
Every now and again I watch something so ridiculous that I am genuinely IMPRESSED by how bad it is. It is complete malarkey, but also completely hilarious malarkey, and I watched the whole thing with a stupid smirk on my face.
There’s a moment early on when the weird head tentacle thing sentences Stella to work on a penal colony, and I swear to god he reads the line as if someone had JUST stuck the script in his face and he’d never encountered the phrase “penal colony” before. AMAZING.
I know most movies shoot the movie out of order for various reasons, but Starcrash really seems like even within a short 30-second scene, they filmed it out of order. Also, oh man, I loved, LOVED the way that the reaction shots of every single person in this film were completely inappropriate. Especially Stella Star who reacts to everything by smiling and shaking her head as if she was remembering that time she set the DVR to record the wrong show.
Oh, and the movie soundtrack. Wow. Come on. Seriously? It sounded like an otherwise-talented horn section trying to play the Star Wars theme, but none of them realized that some dopey twat transcribed each line of sheet music the wrong way round. It’s like an uncanny valley for music.
And oh my god! There's a stop motion robot thing that looks like a C3P0 sex-doll trying to walk after getting royally munted on quaaludes.
This whole film is a bit like that, really. It’s got practical models, it’s got people reading words from a script who I suppose you could call actors, there’s makeup, costumes, camera angles, flashing things, a lot of matte-shots etc, but that doesn’t really make it a movie just by default. It’s like if you see a 3-year old walking around in Daddy’s business shoes and dragging a briefcase just ‘cause they think that’s the thing that makes Daddy a businessman. Except, instead of being adorable, the 3-year old in this analogy totters around until it slips over and bangs its head on the coffee table, and then instead of calling an ambulance, the parents start arguing about which is the best kind of baking soda to use to remove the blood from the carpet, and then the kid dies and there’s a tiny coffin at the funeral and it’s really quite tragic.
So um, yeah, Starcrash. This film is a hot mess. Get drunk and watch it!