Shut the hell up, Teague.

Ohgoddammit. The correct answer is "Oh, you should get a Facebook page, Jeff! I'd totally be your friend! And we'd play Mafia Wars or whatever Facebook people do."

And then I'd be all "Oh, no, no, you don't want to be friends with somebody as plain and dull as me."

And you'd be all, "I don't think you're plain. In fact…" and you'd reach out and let my hair down, and take off my glasses, and the music would swell…

But you. You blew it. You're stuck going to the prom with that shallow cheerleader with the big boobs who always puts out, instead of sitting on the damp grass in the park with me and drinking champagne from the bottle you stole from your parents' fridge before you put your tuxedo jacket around me and I lean my head on your shoulder while we watch the sun rise over the mountains.

Wait. What were we talking about?

Thanks to that, I now realize I'm Stu Maschwitz's Twitter rash.

Ok that was fucking hilarious.