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I'd highly recommend Dune - another epic story set in a complex universe with its own vocabulary, but without Tolkien's exhausting prose. I haven't read the sequels yet, but they're on my list.

I read that a year ago (in the original English) and, while the story is good and the universe interesting, something about Tolkien's style has made it an excruciating read for me (I kept thinking: "I'd rather just watch the movie again."). Is it more palatable to Britons?

The MCU has been a mixed bag for me; the good thing about it is that if you didn't like the last one, there's gonna be another one in a few months. I know some people are tired of that, but let's face it: more ambitious fare tends to bomb (Blade Runner 2049 etc.), so the next "thinking man's sci-fi" script won't get an MCU-level budget; we'll probably be stuck with comic book blockbusters until the bubble bursts.

Thanks to the serialized nature of the MCU, Infinity War became a great adaptation of the "crisis crossover" concept from comic books. It wouldn't have worked if we didn't know these characters from previous movies, so I'm happy that the MCU exists. Ant-Man And The Wasp was a letdown after Infinity War, but the character will have his chance to shine in Endgame.

Well, whaddya know? A Transformers movie that doesn't suck.

Bumblebee is an '80s movie made in 2018. While it's simply a typical (you might even say "stereotypical"), by-the-numbers '80s "kids' movie", it works just fine. The 1980s (with all their E.T.-esque silliness and childish sense of wonder) were the missing ingredient all along (after all, the franchise was born in that decade). I'm sure it made Spielberg smile.

Not brilliant enough to single-handedly salvage the DC film universe, but it doesn't damage it further. Aquaman is an adventure more lighthearted than the previous DC installments; it basically turns the title character into DC's Thor. The eye candy is enjoyable; the story is nothing special, but it doesn't get in the way of enjoying the eye candy.

Totally agree on Batman v Superman and Justice League - the latter made me appreciate the former much more. Don't get me wrong, BvS is still quite bad, but at least it's a noble failure; Justice League is the most generic "superhero team" movie ever. Can you remember the villain's motivation in JL? Can you even remember his name? BvS was clearly Zack Snyder's attempt to recapture the feel of Watchmen (the lesson to be learned from Richard Kelly and Roland Emmerich is clear, Zack: don't try to remake your previous movie). JL is a panicked attempt to recapture the lighthearted feel of The Avengers by adding a few quips to a gloomy movie. Neither has worked, but BvS at least managed to be memorable (if only by being ridiculous at times).

(The only DC movies I've enjoyed lately are The LEGO Batman Movie and Teen Titans Go To The Movies; it's telling that both are affectionate parodies.)

Funny that you mentioned Venom - it's another Justice League-eqsue mess (as I mentioned here).

The "CD bootleg with a logo in the corner" mentioned in the commentary is probably this one (the Star Wars On Video site has hundreds of SW home video covers, both official and otherwise; check out the other bootleg covers for a good laugh).

A slave Leia equivalent for zoophiles? May the horse be with you...

The trilogy is complete. This time Mongolian was used.

DISCLAIMER: The subtitles are quoted solely for the purpose of parody.

STAR TREK BEYOND
STAR TREK ROAD

I bring you a message of goodwill
I am sending you the message of the gospel
(Now I make known to you, brethren, the gospel which I preached to you...)

In the Fibonan culture
Fibonacci culture
(1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, ... Eh, fuck it.)

You don't know the Fibonans like we do!
You do not know us like Fibonacci!

who want to see us murdered in our own beds!
we want to see who killed our bed!

Get it off of me!
Get rid of me!

Will you, uh, log that and put it
in the vault, Spock? Thank you.
You, uh, Spock on it and save
on the Spock box? Thank you.
(Who wrote this? The Smurfs?)

I mean, I always assumed he'd be a vodka man.
I thought he would always be a vodka drunk person.
(Now he's a friend of Bill W.'s...)

Looks like a damn snow globe in space just waiting to break!
Space in the globe is waiting for space!

We were on a science mission inside the nebula.
Our science has a noble purpose within our nebula.

The nebula is too dense.
Nipple is too tight.
(Purple nurple!)

unstable nebula
unsustainable nebulizers

I can't engage the warp drive, sir!
I can not get the browser guide, sir!
(Chrome or Firefox?)

Scotty, I need warp now!
Scottie, I have to be careful now!

Abandon ship.
Ship without a ship.

Captain, we are caught in the planet's gravity.
Captain, we are attracted to the world of attraction.

I am Lieutenant Nyota Uhura of the USS Enterprise.
I am the USS Enterprise lieutenant Netra Uurura.
(Hey, aren't you a member of the X-Men?)

Why did you sacrifice yourself for him?
Why have you ransomed yourself for yourself?

Doctor, I fail to see how excrement of any kind
bears relevance on our current situation.
Doctor, I do not see any discharge.
The bear is dependent on the present situation.
(What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.)

He is Krall.
He is a Christian.
(So that's why he preaches the gospel...)

She may not even have power to the Bridge, Captain.
He does not have the power to bridge the bridge or to the Captain.
(Smurfin' the Smurf...)

You get it, Chekov?
Are you from Chicago?

Oy, Captain, we are basically standing on a very large bomb.
Forest, Captain, we're standing on a very big ball.
(Well, duh! That's exactly what a planet is.)

No, sir, it's round.
No, sir, this is a bike.

Millions of souls from every Federation world holding hands.
Millions of people around the world have been armed with armed forces.

Massive blood loss will do that to you.
Blood will be bleeding in large quantities.

I became concerned, in the light of Vulcan's demise,
that I owed a debt of duty to my species.
I was worried about the Vikings of Death
I had to pay my own tax.
(Death and taxes...)

I guess you could say I've got a good nose for danger.
You may say that has a good nasal my nasal nose.

I like the beats and shouting.
I like the shock and scream.

Aye, lassie.
Oh, boring.

And that handsome bastard is James T. Kirk.
He's a handsome bitch, James T. Kirk.

You hid it in a shuttle.
You are hidden in a sidewalk.

My dad used to have one when he was a kid.
My father was a father when he was a child.

I feel like my innards have been to a barn dance!
I like to dance internally!

In a pig's eye, you are!
You have a pig!

Captain, we discovered that the stolen artifact
appears to have come from this planet.
Captain, we found pirated fossils
from the planet.
(Dinosaur bones on BitTorrent?)

Damn it.
Moody.
(Hank Moody?)

Captain's Log.
Elder's Login.

It is Vokaya, Mr. Chekov.
It's Mr. Vokaya, Mr. Chekhov.
(Mr. Coffee, meet Mr. Radar.)

Right. My wee granny used to say,
"Ya cannae break a stick in a bundle."
West. My naughty baby,
"Do not blame the jar with a basket."

That'd get the signal out of the crater.
It will signal from the kettle.

Mr. Chekov's technical acumen
Mr. Tech's technical sense
(Also starring Fred Kwan as Tech Sergeant Chen!)

Let's hope this doesn't get messy.
I hope it is not a dirty thing.

What he's saying is that if we
disorient the swarm, we can kick its ass!
What we're talking about is that
is offensive to us, we'll kick the donkey!

Spock to Franklin.
Meet with Mr. Franklin.
(The "death and taxes" guy?)

Patching it through now.
Edit edits.

He was a major in the United Earth
Military Assault Command Operation.
He was the commander of the United States
during the War of the United States.
(Hail To The Chief!)

His military service came to an end when MACO was disbanded.
His military service was over after Mao's death was abolished.
(Mao Zedong came back from the dead?)

back to the struggle that made humanity strong
Tools to Bring Firearms Fighting the Power of Man

Alien despots hell-bent on killing us
Terrorist tortoises that we killed
(Teenage Mutant Terrorist Tortoises: Bombers in a half shell!)

little old lady in Russia
Young woman in Russia

Afraid so.
Terrible.

Its continuing mission
Continuous sermon

To boldly go where no one has gone before.
No one is brave enough to go before.

http://eepodcast.lauraaftermidnight.com … 19_TFA.mp3

(Right-click and choose "Save as" to download instead of opening the file directly in the browser.)

What a mess...

Venom feels like a B-movie. No, not like a post-Alien monster flick that uses B-movie tropes very well (The Thing, The Fly etc.); like an actual B-movie from the double feature era - a quick, low-budget sci-fi schlock nobody cares about. Clearly nobody cared about Venom's script; it has no identity of its own. It could have been a Deadpool-esque dark comedy about demonic possession or schizophrenia, but it looks like someone (the studio?) insisted on making it more of a generic comic book movie about saving the world. The result is a confused hybrid not unlike Venom himself. Tom Hardy's performance stands out, but that's not unusual - he's always good, even in crappy movies (his Shinzon makes Nemesis almost bearable).

You're not gonna miss anything by skipping it.