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Yeah, you're not allowed, Saniss.
HERE WE GO FOOLS!
I've decided to post an episode for detailed feedback, so that I have some solid foundation to finish the rest of the series. If anyone is interested in listening, feel free, ON THE CONDITION that you leave some solid feedback. That's the price for Early Access
This is purely a story cut, so there's no intro or outro. That will come later.
Feedback I'm looking for is as detailed as you're willing to get. I appreciate positive AND negative critique: especially the latter, as it tends to produce more improvements
1) Story/experience: Does the story work for you? Characters sound good? How about the ambiance and sound effects? Do I need more? Less?
2) Audio/Production: how can the mixing improve? (I'm new to mixing, so PLEASE give me all the advice you can think of. I really want this to sound good!) Is the audio balanced? Is it pleasant to listen to? Is it unpleasant?
Thanks for all your support, friends!
PS The one thing I'm sure needs work is the low spaceship rumble in the background. I really like it, I want to keep it if possible, but it seems to wrestle with a lot of the dialogue. it gets a little muddy, but I don't know how to improve that.
I'm 3 minutes in, and while there are some bits that could probably be tighter, I'm liking it a lot.
Thanks for the listen!
Tighter in what way?
There was one part that felt a bit loose - where one character interrupts another, or it felt like one was waiting for the other to come in. I'll see if I can track it down. Ah, it was Argus saying, "You're way out of line, Con," I felt like it should push in on Grimm's line a bit so that Argus is backing Grimm up more quickly. Might be one or two more but that was the one that I noticed the most.
The first dialogue between Grimm and Con feels a bit awkward to me - like two people acting, rather than a conversation. I'm not sure if that's just me knowing that they're both being played by the same person.
I love the sound design. That squealer sound is awesome, I love six different things about it. With Con in the center, Finch and Argus on the right, and Grimm and Dread on the left, I'm able to visualize things pretty well.
And of course, the funny moments land really well.
Thanks! I agree with your assessment of the Grimm/Con conversation. I think I've got too much pausing in it. I'll work on it.
Yeah, the squealer I'm proud of
My guide for it was that I want the audience to be thinking, "What is the Squealer? Why do they call it that?.....Oh. That's why."
(Though if someone doesn't like it, I'm certainly open to your perspective)
I was worried it'd be piercing, and I feel like IRL it *would*, but obviously it can't be from a listening standpoint. I also like how it just stops at the end with a tiny little tail; reminds me of Andrew Huang's 100 Layers of SFX video, where one of the effects was craziness until it just STOPPED abruptly.
I'm not gonna be super-iterative about this, so here's an updated mp3 that I think addresses the right issues. If anyone has any suggestions, I'll fold them in and start working on the rest of the series.
I'm almost done, guys. Holy carp.
Yeah I've got that as feedback a few times now. I'll tighten it up more tonight and see how it sounds. Thanks all!
Here's Draft 3, addressing the issues raised about gaps in dialogue. I've left those pauses I felt were necessary, though even most of those I've shortened a bit.
Unless any major issues arise with this, I'm planning on attacking episode 2 tonight.
This is such a cool project. Fabulous work puttin' it together; when this thing works, it really works.
I think there's a lot more whipping-into-shape that could be done here, and I think it'd pay off hugely. That said, I'd completely understand if you didn't want to hear those kinds of notes at this point, and I'm not sure I shouldn't just keep my mouth shut instead, so for now I'll just share the jist:
This becomes fun to listen to by the time we get to the ensemble scenes, and starts to really cook soon after that, but I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell I'd make it that far ar a listener; the opening scene is killing me, and the scene after the opening scene is killing me. Unfortuntely, I think the adjustments I'd make to move that needle involve a rewrite and re-edit of at least first third or so, including reshoots, and either 1) recasting some people or 2) going back to get a different performance out of 'em.
I know feedback like this isn't what one hopes to hear after hitting the 'oh-thank-heavens-progress-is-finally-happening' stage on a project; this is why I wasn't even sure if I should speak up, because I know how much it sucks to assemble raw material into a finished product only to be advised to disassemble it.
For all we know, I could be off the deep end.
Please retroactively fill in all the cracks here with fandom, admiration and enthuasiasm.
I'd love to hear whatever details/suggestions you got sir. I can't say that I'll be able to redo that much of it, but if nothing else it may help edit some stuff to shorten the opening.
Another buddy of mine said the first scene with Blue was hard for him too, so it's not just you. Whether you wanna make more notes here or email them I'd be happy to take what you have.
Incidentally, if anyone else thinks the opening scenes are too long, it would be helpful to know if it's "just Teague" or more of an issue.
As Brian said: If 1 or 2 out of 10 people say something, it may not matter much. But if 9/10 people say it, you've got a problem.
Copy that. As I just said in an email to you a second ago, I'll get to it as soon as I can.
Ok, in the meantime, I took a hard look at what I've got, and I agree that it could use a bit of a revamp. It's not on the level that I suspect Teague is getting at, but I:
1) Cut Blue's conversation with Con by two minutes
2) added a bit at the beginning to set up the sense of place and the group dynamic
3) streamlined some exposition
4) made Con a little more stressed
and 5) still managed to shave a minute off of the entire beginning (up until Con calls Argus about his suit)
See what you all think:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B34wSs … sp=sharing
Realized I used the wrong mic for Grimm on the couple new lines. I'll fix that later.
Sidenote: it's really, really helpful for rewrites that I played two characters
Last edited by Writhyn (2017-10-18 02:47:29)
1000% percent better, my issues are resolved, mazel tov, sorry to be a pain.
Better to be a pain now rather than after release. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?!?!~"
Agreed. I'm also really pleased with the revamp and I'm not sure I would've thought to change anything if you hadn't voiced your opinion.
Libations for everybody!
I really like it! Gets things happening sooner, a couple more repetitions of the stakes isn't bad.