I think this might help: if you're looking to give just general feedback, here's a few points you can affirm or deny.
1) I tried to make the characters sound and behave different
2) I tried to avoid "as-you-know" dialogue while also giving the audience enough info to figure out what's going on. Characters should talk about things in a way that people might.
3) It should be fairly obvious what emotions are being conveyed by each line, based on context and word choice. Parenthetical "director" stuff should be almost completely unnecessary.
4) The story should make sense. Obviously.
If you don't know what to look for, let me know how these points are met, and I will work on what needs it. Thanks!
