Hey guys, Teague here.

Full Metal Jacket is a film that used to inspire two very intense reactions in me – confusion and agitation. Knowing nothing of the armed services, and far less about how anyone could stand to watch this god damned film, the act of me first sitting down and experiencing it was interrupted halfway through by an all-encompassing need to do anything else.

Over the course of this episode, my opinion goes from one of loathing to one of acceptance. Who to thank but our special guest this week, jack-of-oh-so-many-trades Eddie Doty. Trey and Brian are also on deck to weigh in as we examine our first Kubrick film of the show.

Hey guys, Teague here. The Thing is a flick I had never seen before, despite its popularity among people with whom I associate. That usually either means I need to watch the movie, get new friends, or figure out a damned good reason not to have seen it. In the absence of willing volunteers or knowledge of a good argument to be made supporting my ignorance, I went for the low-ball and watched this movie like a little nancy bitch.

Down in Front, bending to your will since 1845.

(Also, because you’ll be curious right off the bat, after I introduce the movie, everyone else woo’s. Apparently all three were doing a different cutesy thing – one was gasping, one was cheering, one was doing a horror ooh – and the result is…funny.)

Hey everyone, it’s Dorkman.

Teague let me do the write-up this week for Terminator 2: Judgment Day. (Special Edition.) You probably want me to say something hilarious about “being back” to this franchise. Screw that. I’m not your dancing monkey.

This film is one of those rare examples of a sequel which is far superior, in every way, to the original. A distinction that is only more pronounced now that we’ve been subjected to an additional two inferior sequels, and a television show made by folks who don’t seem to have watched any of the above. The usuals are on hand to discuss what should have been the triumphant conclusion to a classic sci-fi story.

Hey folks, Teague here. Let me tell you about how cool we are. For one, Apollo 13 is one of our favorite movies, us here heathens and skeptics – and we’re not above spending two hours talking about how insane it is that we landed on the moon, so be prepared for that going into this episode.

Hell, we’re not above throwing a party in celebration of the anniversary of Apollo 11’s moon voyage, dressing up like mission control, and getting drunk on Tang Jello shots. I built a seven-foot tall Saturn V, underlit it with flashlights and let sublimating carbon dioxide (er, dry ice) pour down the sides.

Just for a party.

We’re apparently not even above making a god damned parody of Apollo 13, and becoming a part of Gene Kranz’s personal Thanksgiving tradition.

The MOON, people. This is what it does to us. The crew this week is sparse, in favor of having 100% space fags on the panel – just professional soothsayer Trey Stokes, prolific Apollo fanboy and Embry-Riddle alumnus Brian Finifter, and yours truly. We’re wee, but we love the shit out of space – and of this movie. Stop reading, and start downloading this commentary for Apollo 13.

Hey folks, Teague here. Spider-Man is a worthless relic from the first wave of recent superhero movies. (I’m editorializing, and that’s fine with me.) Many people enjoy it. In fact, some of my cohorts enjoy it. There’s no explanation for that kind of thing. Frankly, all of you are unacceptable.

Fight choreographer Anthony Alba subs in for Trey this week.

Hey guys, Teague here. Fight Club is another one of those movies we refer to as “perfect,” due to its commitment to delivering on every promise it makes to the audience. We’re young, we can think movies like Fight Club are important, and with no Trey this week to smoke on our boundless enthusiasm for nihilism, boundlessly we will enthuse.

One of my favorite movies, and one of my favorite releases thus far. Enjoy.

Hey everybody, Teague here. The Matrix: Reloaded is more than a movie, it’s a study of what not to do with your sequel. You may have paid fifty grand for film school, Larry and Andy paid $150,000,000. Jake Lloyd takes the place of Trey, who curiously refuses to watch this movie even for your entertainment.

Also, you may know that Dorkman spends an awful lot of his time just knowing stuff about what went wrong with famous trilogies. “Oh yeah?,” you always say, “so how would you do it, hot shot?” This week, we present a very special sidebar: his answer.

Hello sportsfans, Trey here. Back in 1975 a little-known TV director got stuck with the job of making a shark movie that was only 3% shark. What might have been fodder for an episode of Mystery Science Theater became a blockbuster that changed the way Hollywood has made movies ever since. Good thing, too – if his shark movie hadn’t worked out, that guy’d be lucky to be directing Good Morning Amarillo these days. Instead he gets to be Steven Spielberg, which is almost certainly better.

Join us won’t you, as we unravel the mystery of how a monster movie can work so gosh-darn well, even though the monster almost never shows up. Or did I just give away the answer?

Hey folks, Teague here. If Down in Front exists for any particular movie, it exists for Wild Wild West. I’m fairly sure you could earn a doctorate in film theory simply by explaining what went wrong in this spectacular example of sometimes-it-just-doesn’t-work, and if that’s the case, we’re all qualified to operate. And we do. This commentary is a god damned autopsy.

Filling in for Brian this week is guest commentator Ryan Wieber, otherwise known as Dorkman’s Emmy-winning counterpart from Ryan vs. Dorkman. To top it all off, Wild Wild West is another example of a movie I – along with four or five others on the planet – enjoy, in the face of it’s almost universally accepted badness. Every piece of the Down in Front puzzle is in place, let’s get started.

A good deal of the shows we do are ideas we get from the listeners. What movies would you like to hear a commentary for?

We try to avoid comedies, because we usually end up losing our focus and laughing along with the movie, which doesn't make for very good commentary. (However, movies that think they're funny and fail miserably are just fine.)

If there's anybody in particular you'd like to have on that episode, be not afraid, speak up. We live to serve.

Hey folks, Teague here. There’s not much to say about Ghostbusters – it’s just, well, Ghostbusters. Perhaps a wiser man than me could put more words here, but it doesn’t take a wise man to know that you’d rather just listen to the damned thing.

Hey folks, Teague here, with the Starship Troopers commentary. Resident panelist Trey was the creature fx supervisor for this flick, so as much as it is a discussion of the film and why it works (or doesn’t), it’s a really interesting look into the visual effects and animation requirements for a big alien invasion movie. (And it has NPH. NPH.)

This is also the last commentary we’ll be releasing that was recorded with excessive mic bumpery. After this, it’s all expensive and stuff. So there’s that. All of the boys were on hand for this episode, and the opinions were as varied as ever. Enjoy.