Once upon a time, someone offered to do a commentary with him over Skype. He declined. And now, Dick Cheney has a new heart. Coincidence...?

So much ass-kissing.... Looks like I have to once again be the lone dissenting voice and point out how blatantly Sad Max rips off the greatest music video ever made.

/can eat my dinna in a fancy restaurant

For anyone interested, I wrote a detailed outline/brief treatment that I think would work for a ninth Harry Potter movie.

Harry Potter and the Temblor Bell (PDF)

Note: I've broken it down the same way I broke down all the Potter movies for study (5 minute chunks); if my estimates are accurate, it clocks in at 145 minutes.

Well, there's always...

• Tarzan

• Tom Swift

• Arsène Lupin*

• Bulldog Drummond

• The Scarlet Pimpernel**

• miscellaneous Jules Verne

• miscellaneous H Rider Haggard

• Kidnapped and its sequel Cantriona

Any of those could probably sustain a blockbuster franchise.

* I fucking love those stories, Brian and Michael, read them or listen to them immediately.

** This would, of course, have to be retitled something like In the Reign of Terror.

EDIT: How appropriate it is that my one-thousand-and-eleventy-first post is in the Lord of the Rings topic....

Terrific. Often laugh-out-loud funny, at least in the early parts, where it's supposed to be. I hear a bit of Tom Lehrer and a lot of Joss Whedon in the music, and it's damn impressive.

...wait a minute. Have I just been the subject of viral marketing for Doritos?

I liked (but didn't love) reading Dune when I was a teenager but was very disappointed in the movie. On the drive home, my friend and I agreed that it probably should have been split into two movies.

Having seen later David Lynch stuff, I think it had nothing to do with Lynch not having enough time or money or studio support and everything to do with Lynch having no idea what humans appreciate in a story.

Listened to the whole Fellowship commentary again. Great work. I can't wait to revisit part two.

Dear Down in Front—

You did it! It was epic and exhausting and awesome. I know of only a couple of other marathon commentary sessions, but certainly none for Lord of the Rings The Really Long Editions. I am astonished that you even made the attempt, but I suppose I shouldn't be. Down in Front has pushed commentary after commentary out of its collective vagina for years now, often in the form of twins. Why should triplets daunt you—even if they ARE the size of preschoolers?

I bow especially to Michael and Trey, who carried the ball for almost the whole game at a consistent Belgian.5 level* of quality. But thanks to all the commentators. Everybody had something interesting to say.

And we also served who only stood and chatted. I'm amazed at the turnout and, altho the porn spam bots were annoying and occasionally terrifying, the quality of the chat. That was great fun, except for Fixed Dave, who is now my mortal enemy forever for dissing my hilarious VISIT SCENIC X jokes.

* On my admittedly little-used 0-to-French scale of measurement

Eagles flying into Mordor while Sauron was alive would have been shot down with ballistas, arrows, and evil sorcery.

Yea! Hobbitses!

Pfft. You and Hulk can play 3800 PSI patty-cake while Cap and Tony and I figure out how to stop the distribution of genetic mutation virus with a pop can tab, a screwdriver, AND MY VIRUS-KILLING-GAS DISTRIBUTION ARROW.

How would Thor stop the Carbon-Copy Men from stealing a load of nitroglycerin?
—With a hammer.

How would Thor stop Megatak from hacking NASA and downloading the plans for the NASA Mars rocket?
—With a hammer.

How would Thor get a cat down out of a tree?
—With a hammer.

How would Thor get orphans to do their math homework?
—With a hammer.