Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
I'd volunteer, but I've already enrolled for VFX shots and stills and I want to see these done before committing to anything else. I too know what happens when I volunteer to do things (so does Writhyn).
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The Hyacinth Disaster (Page 3 of 3)
Friends In Your Head | Forums → Creations → The Hyacinth Disaster
Posts: 51 to 72 of 72
- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Yeah, you're not allowed, Saniss.
Witness me!
+1 
- Tomahawk
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
I'm 3 minutes in, and while there are some bits that could probably be tighter, I'm liking it a lot.
+1
- Boter
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
There was one part that felt a bit loose - where one character interrupts another, or it felt like one was waiting for the other to come in. I'll see if I can track it down. Ah, it was Argus saying, "You're way out of line, Con," I felt like it should push in on Grimm's line a bit so that Argus is backing Grimm up more quickly. Might be one or two more but that was the one that I noticed the most.
The first dialogue between Grimm and Con feels a bit awkward to me - like two people acting, rather than a conversation. I'm not sure if that's just me knowing that they're both being played by the same person.
I love the sound design. That squealer sound is awesome, I love six different things about it. With Con in the center, Finch and Argus on the right, and Grimm and Dread on the left, I'm able to visualize things pretty well.
And of course, the funny moments land really well.
Boter, formerly of TF.N as Boter and DarthArjuna. I like making movies and playing games, in one order or another.
- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Thanks! I agree with your assessment of the Grimm/Con conversation. I think I've got too much pausing in it. I'll work on it.
Yeah, the squealer I'm proud of 
My guide for it was that I want the audience to be thinking, "What is the Squealer? Why do they call it that?.....Oh. That's why."
(Though if someone doesn't like it, I'm certainly open to your perspective)
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- Boter
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
I was worried it'd be piercing, and I feel like IRL it *would*, but obviously it can't be from a listening standpoint. I also like how it just stops at the end with a tiny little tail; reminds me of Andrew Huang's 100 Layers of SFX video, where one of the effects was craziness until it just STOPPED abruptly.
Boter, formerly of TF.N as Boter and DarthArjuna. I like making movies and playing games, in one order or another.
- Tomahawk
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Tighter as in what Boter said. Some of the lines were basically waiting for the other character to finish up instead how a real conversation sounds; with interrupting and generally snappier.
- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Yeah I've got that as feedback a few times now. I'll tighten it up more tonight and see how it sounds. Thanks all!
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- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
I'd love to hear whatever details/suggestions you got sir. I can't say that I'll be able to redo that much of it, but if nothing else it may help edit some stuff to shorten the opening.
Another buddy of mine said the first scene with Blue was hard for him too, so it's not just you. Whether you wanna make more notes here or email them I'd be happy to take what you have.
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- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Incidentally, if anyone else thinks the opening scenes are too long, it would be helpful to know if it's "just Teague" or more of an issue.
As Brian said: If 1 or 2 out of 10 people say something, it may not matter much. But if 9/10 people say it, you've got a problem.
Witness me!
- Teague
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Copy that. As I just said in an email to you a second ago, I'll get to it as soon as I can.
67 2017-10-17 18:44:05 (edited by Writhyn 2017-10-17 18:47:29)
- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Witness me!
- Teague
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
1000% percent better, my issues are resolved, mazel tov, sorry to be a pain.
+1
- Boter
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Boter, formerly of TF.N as Boter and DarthArjuna. I like making movies and playing games, in one order or another.
- Writhyn
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Agreed. I'm also really pleased with the revamp and I'm not sure I would've thought to change anything if you hadn't voiced your opinion.
Libations for everybody!
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- Tomahawk
- Also The Doctor
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
Listening to the revamped version now. Loving it thus far. Really reminds me of Big Finish's Doctor Who stuff.
Let me know if you need a voice actor at some point
+1
- Boter
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Re: The Hyacinth Disaster
I really like it! Gets things happening sooner, a couple more repetitions of the stakes isn't bad.
Boter, formerly of TF.N as Boter and DarthArjuna. I like making movies and playing games, in one order or another.
Posts: 51 to 72 of 72
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