• From: Indiana, USA
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Topic: Let's write Star Wars 7

All right, let's write this bitch. I'll start....

An aging Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) presides over a new Jedi Council on Coruscant. He longs to return to his home on Tatooine with R2D2, but the Jedi Council is small and made up of young Jedi masters he has trained, including Dakota Fanning, Beyonce, and Wicket the Ewok.

Jedi knight Jek Solo (Justin Bieber), the son of Han and Chancellor Leia, reports a disturbance in the Force. Luke feels it himself but forbids Jek from seeking it out with his trusty droid sidekick/bodyguard Lid Ar-Niner (voiced by John DiMaggio).

Elsewhere in the galaxy, the failed Jedi Ut Karwek (Tyler Perry) strikes down the aged wizard Pello Windu (James Earl Jones), a long-retired Jedi master (and uncle of Mace Windu), who speaks thru a voice synthesizer (voiced by David Prowse). Karwek completes a dark ritual over the body and declares himself the first new Sith lord in two generations: Darth Vanous.

He and his apprentice Zumchuk (Milla Jovovich) immediately abduct Windu's grandniece Hai Le (Brenda Song) but are spotted by jaded space rogue Quin Nickel (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who thinks that information might be worth a few credits to the right party....

Warning: I'm probably rewriting this post as you read it.

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  • From: Gardena, California
  • Registered: 2009-11-26
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

I am excited about STAR WARS for the first time in a decade. DON'T YOU BLOW THIS FOR ME TURBAN GUY

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  • Teague
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

I'm blowing it too!

*ahem*

Meanwhile, Jek Solo is in a brawl with a few local toughs at a spaceport near the spice mines. Searching out with his feelings led him to the relatively distant system of Kessel, where apparently nobody wants to hear about Jedi (or "stretching out with your feelings" for God's sake) and has attracted all the wrong kind of attention from the folks thereabouts.

When the fisticuffs spill over into a loading bay where Quin Nickel is selling off the remnants of his last haul, Quin takes action to keep things from tarnishing his wares. Upon meeting Jek, Quin is shocked at this second stroke of luck for him, and tells Jek that he might just be able to help him find what he's looking for...

Teague Chrystie

I have a tendency to fix your typos.

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  • Teague
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Something like this, maybe?

http://downinfront.net/fall-of-the-bounty-hunter-small.jpg

I actually went to the trouble of screencapping the whole process of making this abortion, if anyone is curious to see a time lapse.

Teague Chrystie

I have a tendency to fix your typos.

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  • From: Scotland
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Fine work, Mr Teague but Bieber and Perry given first and second billing? I know if by some chance that pigs grow wings and that actually happens, that is exactly how it'd be done but it's still disheartening.

(really bloody impressed by that poster by the way- damn!)

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  • From: Indiana, USA
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Teague wrote:

Something like this, maybe?

That is awesome/terrifying. It raises many questions.... I thought Hai Le would be the love interest. But maybe, just maybe, Zumchuck isn't evil and is just pretending to go along with Vanous and will have a face turn....

Also, is Karwek the mysterious bounty hunter of the title? Also, who will be the offensive ethnic stereotype comic relief?

Warning: I'm probably rewriting this post as you read it.

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  • Holden
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

holden

"Most people don't even know what sysadmins do, but trust me, if they all took a lunch break at the same time they wouldn't make it to the deli before you ran out of bullets protecting your canned goods from roving bands of mutants."

-- http://stilldrinking.org/programming-sucks

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  • fcw
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Meanwhile, I got your costume department right here.

http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0115/5832/products/SW0019EwokDress_05_1024x1024.jpg?300

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  • bullet3
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Teague, that is amazing. Man, now I want to see a poster like that but for the good version of this movie, where it's mark hamill, harrison ford, carrie fisher, nathan fillion, scarlett johanssen, with kurt russell as the villain, directed by Alfonso Cuaron.

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  • From: Indiana, USA
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

THERE IS NO VERSION WITHOUT BIEBER.

/willing to negotiate on Scarlett Johansson as a Hutt slave

Warning: I'm probably rewriting this post as you read it.

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  • From: Indiana, USA
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Harrison Ford has bought in! Clearly he has read the coverage and does not want to be left out of Fall of the Bounty Hunter.

I say Han Solo is an aging, alcoholic, and syphilitic embarrassment to his wife and son. BUT he has a kick-ass ride that Jek can borrow for that Kessel run if he keeps quiet about pop's private Oola dancer....

Warning: I'm probably rewriting this post as you read it.

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  • Holden
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

We need a wise-cracking, bald Wookie.

"Most people don't even know what sysadmins do, but trust me, if they all took a lunch break at the same time they wouldn't make it to the deli before you ran out of bullets protecting your canned goods from roving bands of mutants."

-- http://stilldrinking.org/programming-sucks

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  • From: Pacific Northwest
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

Holden wrote:

We need a wise-cracking, bald Wookie.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CALLING ME GUYS.

http://www.howmuchdotheyweigh.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Paul-Giamatti.jpg

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  • From: Indiana, USA
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Re: Let's write Star Wars 7

http://southbaltimorecf.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/you-win.jpg

Warning: I'm probably rewriting this post as you read it.

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