At last, a use for Jim Lovell's book title, Lost Moon.

When, let's call him, Locke finally opens the hatch, a large number of helium-filled space dildos float majestically out. It turns out that, when used correctly, these act as miniature warp drives for the wearer.

Oh gods, oh gods. WHAT TEAGUE SAID.

The key phrase is when used correctly.

hmmmmm...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8hEwMMDtFY

Okay, here it is. But I have to confess, the third act is a little wonky....

THE HAND THAT HUNG THE STARS

PROLOG
An Earth-like planet is discovered in the Qualus Eminus star system by a team led by Paul Festerberg, a brilliant but eccentric scientist who often takes off his socks and shoes in meetings "to help him think". The planet is named "Qualus 1". They keep the discovery silent until they can form some theories about it.

ACT 1
Paul gets pressured by US government officials about rumors of an incredible discovery. Paul formally reveals Qualus 1 to top officials. They vow to keep it secret until they know more. Qualus 1 is so similar to Earth that the only conclusion is that they were both designed and built by a race of superpowerful aliens for the purpose of experimenting with life. Paul discovers that the location of Qualus 1 is one of several locations pointed to by mysterious signals detected on the moon several years earlier and the reason his team was asked to target it.

An old discovery, more than a decade old, suggesting that humans have serial numbers embedded in their DNA is revived. Paul seeks out its discoverer, Braille Cardreve (his parents were deaf), an authority on forms of communication, who has been in and out of mental institutions. The going theory is that humans were designed for Earth by the aliens.

At Lymon's urging, the officials get Paul together with Kate Joss, the head of the mission to build a permanent base on the moon called "Holdfast". A hatch has been discovered on the moon in a region being cleared for the base. A large temporary base called "Wirework" already exists there for "astrotechs" doing the work.

ACT 2
The astrotechs' investigation of the hatch triggers a mysterious event, resulting in the hologram of a tall, thin-necked, humanoid alien appearing before the astronauts. Holograms of the aliens begin appearing randomly on earth. They do and say nothing. The news about Qualus 1 gets out. This and the appearance of aliens throws the world into turmoil.

Paul is called on the carpet by the President of the United States. Paul, Kate, and Braille urge the US leadership to make a public statement. The president makes a momentous speech explaining that mankind is on the verge of the most important discovery in history: our own origin. The turmoil is not completely resolved, but a mysterious "situation in Chechnya" that had been worrying officials happily dissolves.

Astrotechs open the hatch and look around inside. Enormous and mysterious equipment points at but does not penetrate the ceiling. Man-sized pods appear to be control stations. It is a giant, abandoned, radio observatory for watching Earth. Mission commander Mark Lollibrae gets into a pod and finds his consciousness suddenly transported to Earth. He shifts his thoughts to the United Nations building in New York. In seconds, he is able to appear in front of the UN delegates and make an address to the world community—in the holographic form of one of the aliens. This throws the world back into turmoil.

ACT 3
From their investigation of the observatory, the team discovers that the aliens left their own DNA samples. The astrotechs secure the samples and send them back to Earth. After analyzing the alien DNA, they find that it is essentially human. Meanwhile, Paul's team discovers a third Earth-like planet, creating great confusion among the scientific community as well as the public.

Then Paul's great-uncle dies, and he inherits a small circus of performing animals, including four ducks, three dog clowns, two ponies, a chimp, a dancing bear, and a Bengal tiger. They are delivered to his small apartment. Paul quits his job at NASA and tries to sell them on eBay. But when a buyer for the tiger arrives, Paul finds that he can't steel his heart to separate them.

Macaroni the pony gets sick with comical sneezes, and Paul take him to a beautiful large animal veterinarian named Keesha Callum. The two go on a date, but the circus animals follow them and create havoc in the restaurant. Keesha suggests Paul take his circus to her parents' farm. They have a great time, altho Keesha's father John, who builds model yachts, is repeatedly comically frightened or frustrated by the animals' antics.

But Senator Pete Randolph—who has learned that Marvin the dancing bear came from Russia and has wears a collar that was used to smuggle secret communications technology and suspects that it's still there—has Marvin kidnapped. Paul and Keesha race to stop the NSA agents smuggling Marvin out of the country, and all the circus animals help in a madcap last-minute rescue that results in Paul and Keesha confessing their love for one another. Paul and Keesha move to her parents' farm together with the animals. Keesha's father John even finds ways the animals can help him build his model yachts.

Last edited by Zarban (2011-06-16 16:35:38)