Happy Madison proudly presents Assault and Batteries!

Smip Parph (Dana Carvey) is an idiot with a heart of gold, working as a copper smelter.  His life is made up of slipping on things and constantly accidentally(?) peeing on his grandmother(Sharon Stone), until one day when he accidentally discovers an illegal AA battery counterfeit ring.  These batteries stink!  They don't even last 5 minutes!  Smip is brutally, and understandably gunned down and peed on, until his smoking body is discovered by Dr. Rex McPkAnk (John Hurt), an Army General AND a Laser Scientist.  He rebuilds the bumbling, lovable idiot Smip, into a Cyborg armed to the teeth with revenge and lasers that shoot chainsaws.  After a cybernetically enhanced love scene with his childhood crush, Emma (Ruth Buzzy) Smip heads off for one last case.  On his way, he trips.

Your movie is: Memories of a memory

I like the trend of John Hurt as Dr. Rex McPkAnk being in all of these.

Steve Signal is a telephone developer working for a popular mobile phone company but goes on the run when his prototype for the new model (iSignal - product placement opportunities!) is stolen and he is suspected of selling it to a rival telephone vendor.

He teams up with a beautiful swedish computer programmer (Scarlett Johansson) and a bumbling telephone enthusiast (Jonah Hill) to hunt down the missing iSignal

This leads them to a hollowed out Fjord in norway where the evil Dr. Rex McPkAnk (John Hurt) is using it to make long distance phone calls on our heroes account.

Our heroes get the prototype back after defusing a bomb, freeing slave children and doing some exciting parkour.

The DiF commentary will no doubt complain about the lack of stakes in the third act.

Your title is Day of the Dentist

You've waited all summer! Now it's here! The Boy in the Big Bee Fields

Nathan Smelts (Haley Joel Osment) is a young Missouri man who dreams of bringing back the bees, whose colonies have collapsed. From an American Indian friend named Calma (Gabby Sidibe), Nathan learns the secret of "bee calling" and conducts nightly rituals that require dancing in a loin cloth and body paint under a waxing moon in the open fields. Local townsfolk begin complaining, and Nathan clashes with his father (William Hurt) a no-nonsense ironwork artist who goes by the professional name "Dr. McPkAnk".

Things come to a head when Nathan, with Calma's encouragement, robs a liquor store with his father's tools and uses gallons of corn whiskey to fill a wading pool to attract bees. Drunk and pursued by townsfolk on his electric scooter accompanied by banjo music, Nathan spies Calma dancing in a field and goes to her. As the townsfolk close in, bees begin to arrive, and Calma reveals herself to a be a great Indian queen bee spirit who needed the townsfolk to be distracted until she could call the bees back. Great swarms of bees cover everything, and all the townsfolk are badly stung and run away as Calma floats into the night sky.

Nathan is reunited with his father in a touching tandem electric scooter ride.

Coming soon: Hang the Red Clown

It is the distant future. Apocalypse has obliterated nearly all human life. Conventional measurements of time no longer have any meaning. Time is now measured by how long it takes to cross a location.

Our story starts with a group of varied individuals: A biology professor with a secret past (Sean Penn), a a greengrocer with a secret past (Tim Roth), and a seven-year-old boy with a secret past (Zac Efron, with some makeup). We meet them the night after they finish crossing Alaska, when an evil doctor who goes only by McPkAnk and his evil gang kidnap the boy. Penn and Roth must put confront their secret pasts and work to get the boy back...before it's too late.

Next up: Pulse of the Green Foot

It's the feel-good stoner comedy of the decade! It's Dudes and Platitudes!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page are Grant Heckleman and Hattie Plankmeme, two graduate students who get paired up to write a paper on the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus. Thinking his cryptic proverbs must have been made while stoned, they venture out with Grant's burn-out roommate Hilgy (Jonah Hill) and into the stoner night life around campus, where they meet two English brothers/drunks (Elijah Wood and Daniel Radcliffe), a dwarf drug connection with OCD (Peter Dinklage), a pair of slutty sisters (Hayden Panettiere and Michelle Williams) who go around in a pantomime horse costume, a foul-mouthed cougar professor (Emma Thompson) with two undergrads, and handlebar-mustachioed "doctor feel-good" Rex McPkAnk (John Hurt).

They spend the night in drug, sex, and philosophical debauchery, and Grant and Hattie wake up naked together only to discover Dr. McPkAnk's dead body in Grant's living room. Hung over, they watch a video Dr. McPkAnk made philosophizing about his imminent death from liver cancer, then stuff the overdose victim in Hattie's SUV and—after a wild chase thru town to evade the cops—dump him in front of the public library before bailing Hilgy out of jail for public intoxication and fighting with the dwarf.

Coming soon: The Sandals of Empire

Last edited by Zarban (2011-09-24 18:29:33)

At last, the joint sequel to Watermelons Galore! and Attack of the Ribosomes sprays the silver screen with the juiciest clumps of mirth and recombination you've ever seen!

Following in the wet footsteps that are all that's left of their mentor Dr Rex McPkAnk (John Hurt), this year's intake of genetic engineering lunatics at Pips-R-Us Food-n-Monsters Inc proves to be the most careless yet.

In the midst of her project to create the world's most carnivorous watermelon, Dr Susie 'Sue' Soo (Zooey Deschanel) falls madly in lust with lab supervisor Herr Doktor Professor Fritz 'Ritzy' Witzensteinerhassenpfeffer (Ewen McGregor). But their technically illicit affair causes bigger problems when Susie's previous squeeze, the world's second-most carnivorous watermelon, comes looking to wreak squishy revenge for being jilted before all its results were published in the New England Journal of Fairly Apocalyptic Experiments.

Pip-based pandemonium ensues as Susie and Fritz mostly avoid being eaten while singing and dancing their way to a slushy, romantic ending surrounded by a veritable smorgasbord of almost-believable human-fruit hybrids.

Don't miss the witty banter of the self-juggling pumpkin sisters (Janeane Garofalo and Sarah Silverman)!

Coming soon: No Wood for Old Men

Terror knew no name like Ghost Hoarders!

Randee Hilk (James Marsden) and Sally Nepfelski (Rachel McAdams) are a young couple in the prime of life—until a power line snaps in a windstorm and kills them both during a picnic. They wander the earth as lost souls and visit their own funeral, where a strange man (Dustin Hoffman) seems to react to them.

Randee and Sally flee as the man and his cohorts (Robert Duvall, Dokota Fanning, and Vanessa Williams) track them with sophisticated paranormal equipment and try to imprison them in their own personal collection, used to entertain a group of wealthy occultists (the Casey Anthony jury). One by one, the hoarders capture Jake, a timid neurotic (Robert DeNiro), Mook, a retired wrestler (Michael Clark Duncan), and even Myra, a little girl (Justin Bieber).

The spirit couple try to get help by contacting Randee's brother John, but he has no sensitivity to the Great Beyond and is completely normal, a great comfort to his family, probably the nicest person you would ever meet, and not creepy in any way (Steve Buscemi).

Coming soon: The Hat Not Fit for a Head

Last edited by Zarban (2011-09-25 16:10:29)

Based on the Award Winning Japanese Neon Noir Film "公共輸送による死" which was released earlier this year.

In the near future in the futuristic city of San Francisco, John Lynch (Will Smith) is a hard edged cop on the edge. With his partner (Seth Rogan) dead at the hands of a one of many Hover Transit system failures he finds himself involved in a murder plot, little does he know he is about to discover something much bigger then he could have ever imagined, a plot to destroy the entire transit system by a madman (John Malkovich), but then he finds himself in something much bigger then he couldn't imagine before, that it was planned by the mayor (Liam Neeson), but then an ever bigger plot emerges that is so big even we can't talk about.
But its really big.

"Well its a movie" says Ain't it Cool News
"I guess it has nice art design, and Seth Rogan dies pretty quickly" says Roger Ebert
"Will Smith delivers a performance" says The New York Times

In Theaters now!

Coming soon: Keeping Bronzeberg

You have to use the title that the last person gave you. You also have to give the next person a new title. You also have to use proper grammar.

Next Title: What Kyle Said

Last edited by Doctor Submarine (2011-09-26 21:43:56)

Keeping Bronzeberg

In the summer of 1974 mankind will meet their maker, and put a pin in it!

Young Idahoan, James Walker, lives with his grandmother on the family farm after a tragic accident which took the lives of his parents. James struggles at the local school, the anger he feels at his parents deaths makes him lash out at all around him. Eventually he is befriended by Emily Taylor, an introverted girl and keen lepidopterist who brings James out of his shell via her love of butterflies.

Their friendship blossoms and James notices his feelings towards Emily begin to change. Keen to impress her, he sets out into the fields of Idaho intent on finding the perfect butterfly to pin, and thus capture her heart.

James walks for hours and eventually stops by a pond under the shade of a tree. There he feels a sense of profound peace and wellbeing, and is approached by god. God introduces himself as Bronzeberg; a tiny winged man and creator of all things. They talk about life, how being a god doesn’t mean omniscience, and how pretty Emily is underneath the glasses and hair, Bronzeberg wants to help his young friend, and creates a butterfly for James to capture.

James realises that while butterflies are neat, presenting Emily with the creator of the universe is likely to be far more impressive. James nets him, puts him in the killing jar, and drops in the ether-soaked cotton wool.

The next day James presents Emily with his prize, a mounted god, pinned and framed. Emily loves the gift and they walk together into the sunset.

As the Doc said, Next Title: What Kyle Said

The summer's romantic-est romantic comedy in decades! Key Lime Sky

Florida girl Trisomy Wardlow (Ellen Page) has tried her whole life to keep the lid on her wacky family: mother Chalice (Elizabeth Berkley), father Myrmidon (Cuba Gooding, Jr.), older brother Tequesta (Tom Felton), younger sister Apostrophe (Abigail Breslin), and youngest brother Axel (Jaden Smith). They make their living raising Key limes and putting on an annual wet T-shirt contest for spring break tourists.

One day, Miami investment banker Thief Endicott [pronounced "tife" like "knife"] (Paul Walker) washes ashore after a storm and is nursed back to health by the Wardlow family. Entranced, Thief invites Trisomy to meet his family. Trisomy charms his father's friend, the President of the United States (Abe Vigoda) but discovers that mother Mariana (Natasha Henstridge) has numerous lovers, father Raytheon (John Hurt) is attempting to overthrow the government, and adopted brother Zuzumel (actual Namibian orphan) is a communist. Worse, Trisomy's provincial ways and amazing key lime pie make Thief's friends think she's one of the hired help, and she flees.

Thief follows her back home and finds the wet T-shirt contest in full swing. Trisomy's mother wins it over several college girls, and Thief scoops Trisomy into his Ferrari sportsboat and declares his intention to marry her and make her key lime pie a national sensation.

Coming soon: Professor Winklefarber's Calabfinaubinous Hooklesnort