Tap Dance and Acupuncture, the new film from Guy Ritchie.

Davey "Tap Dance" Murphy (Colin Farrell) is a small-time huckster who gets in trouble with the law and with J Haber Bell-Thomas (Michael Caine), the gangster who controls the British underground alternative medicine trade. Bell-Thomas' top man, Dr. Rex McPkAnk (Tom Wilkinson), has hit upon a miraculous new acupuncture technique using fencing foils, ideally practiced by martial artist/traditional Asian medicine practitioner Miao Tse Kat (Zhang Ziyi).

But Miao wants out from under Bell-Thomas' greasy thumb and has latched onto Tap Dance as her ticket to ride. After fistfights with flamboyantly gay gang enforcer Fairy-Cross-the-Mersey (Jason Flemyng) and a tense skittles match to the death with One-Tonne Tula (Cate Blanchett  in a fat suit), Tap Dance takes Miao on a crazy ride thru the London Underground—which, for some reason, is depicted as a roller coaster—while his pal Meat-Fingers Manxman (Dexter Fletcher) hacks into the Tube controls to give their train the right-of-way.

No one will be admitted to the theater during the final showdown between Tap Dance, Miao, Bell-Thomas, and Bell-Thomas' main henchman Ioan "Madman 'Axeface' Macallister" Muir—a.k.a. 'The Man Whose Nickname Has a Nickname'—(Mark Strong) in Liverpool's brand new Stanley Park Stadium (which the film would have to fund the finishing of) while the crowd sings "You'll Never Walk Alone".

Coming soon: Gambolshanks, Just Gambolshanks

Last edited by Zarban (2011-10-03 22:25:56)