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More like What The Fuckleship, am I right?
hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*nosebleed, early symptoms of something really bad*
Well I wasn't planing on seeing it,... now I'm definitely not. 
Lowering our expectations to new depths.
Sounds like it's even worse than Transformers 2 and Phantom Menace
And then something like Avengers comes along and it gets praised because it's not a steaming pile of crap when it so easily could/should have been.
Who knows, if the slides in quality continues, one day Battleship may look like genius, and we hark back in wistful nostalgia.
I know, jesus, if a piece of shit like Transformers 1 can look good by comparison, maybe it really is time to just stop making movies. You had a good run Hollywood.
Friday, Buffalo News critic Jeff Simon gave Battleship three stars, and in today's paper he took a swipe at those bashing the film, and all you young punk internet reviewers in general. Now... I grew up with this reviewer. I started reading his stuff as a pre-teen in the late 70's, when I first discovered the idea of "reviews". He isn't aging well, I must admit, going by a recent trashing of the cartoon Young Justice (both he and his toddle grandson fell asleep to it, which in his mind damned it as thus bad. It is, but that's not the point), but I still have a soft spot for his opinions. It would be interesting to see you guys rip this apart, though 
Oh, and, yes, do the t-shirt. You need more I can actually wear to work or around my niece
What a ridiculous review. Summer entertainment can be great without being dumb. I'm really getting sick of this idea that we should hold big blockbusters to lower standards than "normal" movies.
Peter Berg on a press junket in Israel for Battleship. This is just too good. And NB I like the guy!
http://movieline.com/2012/05/16/battles … interview/
Funny - reminds me of the time an Australian reviewer got stuck into Ridley Scott when he was promoting Black Hawk Down - for the movie being an "America Fuck Yeah" pro-war propaganda piece.
As soon as the credits rolled on this movie, and Fortunate Son starting blasting out of the speakers, I turned to my friend Sarah and said, "Hey, isn't this an anti-war song?" There was a pause, and she said, "This movie is fucking terrible."
From what I remember from the live show, this discussion peters out at the end because, well, Battleship sucks.
I'll listen to the podcast, though, because I barely remember what was said (it was very late, I was half asleep )
Before the podcast I was all like "Why Battleship?" After the podcast I'm still like... "Why Battleship?"
As soon as the credits rolled on this movie, and Fortunate Son starting blasting out of the speakers, I turned to my friend Sarah and said, "Hey, isn't this an anti-war song?" There was a pause, and she said, "This movie is fucking terrible."
It's an anti-draft song, yeah. And after watching that Peter Berg interview where he asks the dude if he's a draft dodger, it makes it all the more funny. Surely they meant the song to be ironic? They had to have meant it to be ironic! It's like a US President using 'Born In The USA' as a theme song.
Oh, wait......
Slate decided to find out if the Missouri really could be started up again so easily.
Spoiler: No.
This whole "dumb summer fun" discussion reminds of an excellent podcast the Hollywood Saloon did on the subject, back when the original Transformers came out and was getting lots of people giving it a pass. They basically went through summer by summer for like the last 30 years and kinda showed how the standards for an "acceptable" summer movie have fallen dramatically over the years, and how bullshit the whole "dumb fun" argument is.
I can almost forgive that, if the movie went into Yamato/Star Blazers mode. In that classic anime series, humans turn the rusting hulk of the Battleship Yamato into a spaceship to save humanity. So, have the Missouri decked out with all the latest Area 47 gear and ready to go.
(a Disney remake of Star Blazers was going to use the Arizona. That was wrong in so many ways...)
Slate decided to find out if the Missouri really could be started up again so easily.
Spoiler: No.
This kind of relates to another problem with the movie. Why were these ships, which were all on the water to play naval war games, fully stocked with ammunition? Were they actually planning on torpedoing their opponents?
I had no interest in seeing Battleship and you guys only reinforced that. While you suffer in seeing this movie, you can take comfort in knowing that your suffering wasn't in vain.
I refuse to believe this movie is less coherent and awful than Transformers 3.
I refuse to believe this movie is less coherent and awful than Transformers 3.
I'll say this: At least things happened in Transformers 3. This movie isn't just bad, it's boring as hell.
Really can you fault any review that features the line:
That’s pop cleverness to the max.
It's not all a relentless inexorable slide into the abyss. There's another Aliens movie out in a week. And another Nolan Batman movie. And another Lord of the Rings movie this year. What more do you guys want? 
Last edited by avatar (2012-05-22 23:49:19)
True enough - and those are three movies that I'm (cautiously) looking forward to. However, it's worth noting that they're all also installments of established money-making franchises. <sigh>
That may be the true tragedy of the summer of '12 - sequels (and reboots - Hello again, Spiderman) will likely do well as usual, while attempts to do something at least new are setting new records for failure. Hunger Games is the only one to buck that trend so far, I think.
Hunger Games is the only one to buck that trend so far, I think.
Yep that entirely new Hunger Games, without any sort of pre-established fan base.
Oh wait.
Slate decided to find out if the Missouri really could be started up again so easily.
Spoiler: No.
See also: Betteridge's Law of Headlines (Any headline which ends in a question mark can be answered by the word 'no')
Trey wrote:Hunger Games is the only one to buck that trend so far, I think.
Yep that entirely new Hunger Games, without any sort of pre-established fan base.
Oh wait.
Oh, are there Hunger Games books? I had no idea. 
I was talking about sequels vs non-sequels. Battleship and John Carter are based on pre-existing things, too. Hell, everything is based on some goddam thing now, that ship has long sailed.
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