"We/We'll Fix it in Post"
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Friends In Your Head | Forums → Posts by Dean
How I'd "fix" this flick.
First of all. I think it had the wrong lead character. It should have been about The Girl. She was the only one who had any real fucked uppness in her life that needed fixing.
I would have made it about her making friends with the film making kids, the main boy not wanting her there because of what happened with his mum, but the fat kid insisting for the flick and them slowly getting to like each other.
The movie plays out as is, with the train crash and the Alien attacking and going ape in town and the evacuation.
But rather than the Alien just being angry and attacking and killing stuff seemingly at random. I'd make its motivation be, it is looking for those alien cube things the military were transporting with it and have collected up and loaded into trucks.
The movie sets up that the kids have one of the alien cubes and that it seems to float and bang against the wall of the room. I would then have that be the mystery the kids can solve when they see the super 8 video and see the blocks make up the alien ship. The kids work out that the alien isnt just going ape shit and destroying the town and killing because it's evil... it is actively trying to get home and the army are attacking it...
Oh.. and it would be the grieving Boy that is kidnapped by the alien, not the girl... Just as they were starting to like each other...
With everyone now evacuated on the edge of town, the kids realise that they need to get back in and save the Boy, and help the alien by getting it's alien cubes/ship back to it..
The girls dad and the boys dad still end up working together in their own attempted rescue mission, but this time to save the boy not the girl, in doing so the girls dad tries to make amends to the cop for what happened in the opening scene.. He doesnt even know his kid is in town. thinks she is safe. He is doing it to help the guy. Not himself.
So the kids form a plan and sneak into town as the army are doing their final big for the Alien and destroying the town in the process. But this time... rather than just dropping two of our main characters with an injury right as things are getting exciting, I'd have the group slit up. Fat kid and the other kid (rather than hide in a house). would sneak off and steal the trucks that hold the alien cubes (call back to the scene about them not being old enough to drive earlier)and bring them to a rendezvous, While the girl and the firecracker kid head to their house to get the alien cube, that after seeing the super 8 video, they now realise is part of the alien ship and is trying to return to the alien. They take the cube, release it and follow the floating cube. Using it as a tracking device to find the hiding alien and they hope, the Boy.
Now we have these kids following a magical flying object around town, avoiding the army while the other two kids have their own adventure stealing the truck with the rest of the cubs.
They find the boy, find him cocooned with all the other assumed dead residents and realise the alien was not evil and killing at random, but only taking and hiding the humans that saw him. Keeping them hidden away until it escapes... They realise that it's a "good" alien all along.. they have their confrontation...Give the alien it's cube back or maybe have it follow them with the cube, communicating they know where the rest are...
they meet up with fat kid and the truck full of other cubes just as the two dads turn up along with the army.. Just in time for the kids to open the truck, release the cubes, watch the space shop form and the alien escape in the a similar moment of awe and wonder that the film already has.. But this time it's awe and wonder at a misunderstood, scared alien going home, rather than a fuckin killing machine that just had pity on one kid because "bad shit happens"...
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense... I think the movie has every ingredient to have been really good.. They just mixed them up the wrong way.
well. that's my take.
hmm. Maybe it's just the Darabont revisions that came later then. Maybe trying to get the project up and running AFTER the success of DIE HARD.
which in turn was based on a book, which in itself was written as a sequel to THE DETECTIVE.
Also. I'm not 100% sure I buy that story (that it started out as a commando sequel). I don't think the dates work... Unless there were two scripts going at the same time based on the same book as rival projects... And die hard beat it?
As mentioned earlier. Die Hard 3 started out as a Spec called Simon Says. What wasnt mention was Silver picked up said spec with an intention to make it into LETHAL WEAPON 3. But Gibson turned it down for the clownfest we ended up with.
Short Circuit 3. They wrote a script where Johnny Five goes to college.
They almost took the Minority Report short story and made it a Total Recall sequel.
I think there's way more going on in this flick than the guys gave it credit for. I also think it's ironic that a familiar criticism is that it's not really about Batman... when I think it is pretty much ALL about Batman.
We have a guy who has pretty much given up being Bruce Wayne. He sits alone in a giant house in the dark just waiting for be Batman again. He only seems feel "normal" when dressed up as a fuckin Bat.
Then the movie throws out as bunch of characters that show him what he could very easily become.
In fact almost all the main characters in the flick are just fractured pieces of Batman's psyche. Distorted versions of what he could easily be if he carries on as is.
The Penguin being the most obvious. Angry and hostile at the real world. (as he fucking should be) Left without parents and taking revenge on what he sees as the same people that put him there. Gotham's upper crust. (which is pretty much a direct mirror to what Batman spends his nights doing).
But then you have Catwoman. She is Batman unleashed Getting off on the sheer mayhem that you can cause as a nutcase in a mask. She spends most of her time just blowing shit up and breaking stuff.
Shit. Even SHRECK is just a dark mirror image of another splinter of Batman's psyche. A Gotham billionaire businessman who wishes to exploit rather than help the city. He is the evil Bruce Wayne.
I dunno. It's far from perfect. I just think there's some cool stuff in that script.
"cause it seems to be either a serial killer or supernatural horror sequel to A Christmas Carol, and that's just awesome at face value."
Cheers mate. We think so to. For the record, it's both... And this kinda gives the game away... But the idea being we let it play like a pretty straight and dark murder mystery. LA. Confidential in set in Charles Dickens's fictional Victorian London. That also plays as a kind of semi sequel to A Christmas Carol... So we hope people are digging just the "real world" aspect of it so when there is a big supernatural reveal later on they kind get shook up a bit and reminded.. This is a sequel to a Ghost story after all. We dig that.
We figure it's not THAT big of a jump that in the 20 years since the events of A Christmas Carol... the powers that be and those with a certain interest in seeing Scrooge out of business would use the excuse thet he claims to have spoken to the dead.. to call him insane and commit him. Now it's only his fear of death and sheer force of will not to be buried in that grave (that he's already visited once) that's keeping him going into such old age. As for Bob... we figure after the death of poor Tiny Tim and the break up of his family (they emigrate to America) Cratchit went on to retrain join the police force.
We get what you guys are talking about with the numbers too. But they're big for a reason...
"probably a bit of import/export and commodities investing,"
What? You mean like... stuff imported from china?
"real estate, and smalltime moneylending (he is "welcome" at the London Stock Exchange and has a warehouse, probably for loan collateral and wholesale goods)."
Access to wealthy people willing to invest... and warehouse space to store.. I don't know... Imported Opium?
In our story Marley had a lot more going on before he died than money lending...
The scene above isn't the start of the script by the way. It comes in about 30 pages in (at the moment). I just thought will a little tinkering it could play as a nice little short film. We'd kill to shoot this scene professionally as a teaser for the finished script.
This is still of course only our first vomit draft too. We'll defo go through it later and refine the details with a little research.. But even then... I know we're smudging dates and stuff for certain characters.. There's going to be a lot of dramatic license pleading going on.
Cheers for reading guys.
wow. Is that yours? Great minds eh? (shite...) I honestly had no idea.
On the surface they may seem similar. But I think ours is quite different. No jack the ripper for a start and features characters from his other stories. (such as a cross dressing Oliver Twist and a Jack Dawkins/Artful Dodger that has returned from the "orient" to become one of the wealthiest opium dealers in the city.)
But still... What are the chances eh?
A pair of hack wannabe screenwriters wrote a short film set in his fictional universe...
Hmmm... I just realised... This is fan fiction isnt it? Gulp... Oh well.
Anyhow. It's a short film script (or to be honest... a tarted up sequence from a feature we're writing.) Just seven pages long.
Let me know what you think.
.pdf for those that prefer. http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1408931/Bedlam% … novich.pdf
OVER BLACK HEAVY RAIN. WIND HOWLS. Sounds like a hell of a storm. EXT. OLD BRICK BUILDING - NIGHT Looking more like a prison than that of a place of medicine. The sign reads: BETHLEM ROYAL HOSPICE. Most call it BEDLAM. LIGHTENING STRIKES followed by a loud crack of THUNDER. INT. BEDLAM - LOWER LEVELS - SAME CANDLES barely illuminate the gloom of a long, dark corridor. The ground wet. Water dripping down from the storm outside. Keys JINGLE, A DOOR UNLOCKS and SLOWLY CREEKS OPEN. VOICE (O.C.) You sure about this? All you'll get is gibberish. People usually wanna see the freaks on D. Much more entertaining if you ask me. SECOND VOICE (O.C.) Yes well. I didn't. VOICE (O.C.) Alright. Guvnor. Just saying. Go on then. He's down there at the end. You keep to the left mind, you hear me? You stay away from those bars. SECOND VOICE (O.C.) I understand. VOICE (O.C.) Ten minutes. I'll wait right here. A pair of shiny shoes step into frame. They pause for a moment then begin to make their way down the corridor. The shoes belong to a tall man with stern face. His hat under his arm and a notebook in his hand. He also carries a lamp. His name is ROBERT. He's in his late 40's. He keeps to the left, passing a half dozen grotty cells. The lamp turning their occupants into moaning, squirming shadows. Finally he reaches the final cell at the end of the corridor. He moves the lamp and sees a CHAIR sat against the far wall. Robert drags it towards the cell and takes a seat. He now sits in front a dismal little cell with a candle burning in the corner. It's pathetic glow gives little light, warmth or comfort. Is the cell empty? It looks it.. Robert leans in closer. Searching for someone hidden within the darkness. A LONG QUIET BEAT and then... MOVEMENT. Robert jumps. Crashes back into his seat. He relaxes a little when he hears a mocking snicker come from within the cell. OLD MAN Scared he is. Scared of an old Man. (beat) He doesn't know fear. He doesn't know dread. Annoyed now, Robert sits up in his chair. ROBERT I understand you don't like visitors. OLD MAN (quiet ranting) Visitors? Ha! I've had enough visitors. Don't need visitors. ROBERT My name's Robert. I don't expect you'll remember me. (beat) It's been more than twenty years since we last spoke. But I once considered you a friend. Before that an employer. (beat) I'm here because I need your help. OLD MAN Bah! More shuffling in the cell. Now our eyes are adjusting, we may be able to pick out features of the prisoner. Long grey hair. A screwed up old face. A pair of crazy old eyes. ROBERT There have been murders. Vicious killings. OLD MAN Nn..n..n.. None of my business. Leave me alone. Robert holds up the notebook. ROBERT I am now a detective with Scotland Yard. I was hoping you could... OLD MAN (shouting) Go! ROBERT (becoming frustrated) There is a connection. I think you may be able to help. OLD MAN Go now. (to himself) He wants my help. Nobody helps me. ROBERT Damn it man. Did you hear me? People are being killed. Robert begins to flick through the notebook. OLD MAN Nothing to do with me... I've been here. Twenty years! I've been here. You hear me? Twenty long years. They didn't believe me. Told them but they didn't believe me. Sent me hear for speaking the truth! Robert finds his page and begins to read. ROBERT Langfield, two hundred shillings. OLD MAN Nobody ever helped me. ROBERT Beddington three hundred shillings. OLD MAN When I did it turned out to be a curse! A damn trick of a curse. ROBERT Radcliff two hundred shillings. Mays, six hundred shillings. Atherton four hundred... Lines one thousand shill... OLD MAN Atherton... Robert stops reading from the notebook and looks up. MAN Atherton.... Atherton... Six hundred. Six hundred shillings! Not a penny less. (shouting now) Six hundred shillings! Robert raises the lamp. Checks in his notebook. He runs his finger down a list of names and numbers until finding the name Atherton. The figure next to it is indeed six hundred. Roberts eyes light up. The old Man remembers! ROBERT I knew you would remember. You never forgot a debt. The old man retreats back into the shadow of his cell. As if realising he's let slip too much. ROBERT (CONT'D) These names. These people. They're all dead. Each and every on of them murdered in a most gruesome manner. Each and every one of them owed you money... (beat) Until you became... The Old Man stops dead. Leans just a little bit closer. OLD MAN Say it. Robert holds his tongue. OLD MAN (CONT'D) Insane! Robert ponders. Needs to get the word right. ROBERT Unfortunate. I was to say unfortunate. OLD MAN Humbug! I live in a Madhouse. ROBERT All these souls were in your debt. OLD MAN (shouting now) I've been here for twenty years! ROBERT (shouting back) Those people are dead! OLD MAN Twenty years! Twenty years! But I won't go. I won't see that grave. ROBERT You are the only connection. My only lead. (beat) Ebenezer I need your help. A long silent beat. Once again The Old Man disappears into the shadows. Robert raises his lamp and steps closer to the cell. OLD MAN (O.C.) They don't call me Ebenezer. Robert strains to look into the gloom of the cell -- -- AND JUMPS OUT OF HIS DAMN SKIN as the Old Man emerges just INCHES from his face. Eyes, once seemingly lost madness, now bright and clear but with a long held fear... OLD MAN (CONT'D) They call me SCROOGE! Robert, realising now that he forgot the advice the guard gave him about standing too close, tries to step back. But Scrooge's frail old hands reach through the bars and hold onto Roberts jacket with a unexpected strength. Robert drops his lamp sending it spinning and illuminating the room in arching beams of light. ROBERT (suddenly worried) Let me go! He looks back to the Guard who is now gone from the end of the corridor. Robert is completely alone with the Old Man. ROBERT (CONT'D) Ebenezer. I said let me go. Scrooge looks Robert up and down. As if recognizing him for the first time. SCROOGE My old Clerk has grown big and strong. And who would have thought he'd become a lackey of the Old Bailey. ROBERT I am an officer of the Law! Scrooge snickers. His eyes have snapped back to insanity. Robert continues to try and break free from his grip. SCROOGE And you are wrong Cratchit. You are DEAD wrong. For the first time Robert stops trying to break free from the crazy old man's vice like grip. ROBERT Wrong how? He lets Scrooge pulls him closer still. SCROOGE Those debts were not mine... ROBERT (interrupting, frustrated) They were taken from your own books! SCROOGE (continuing) ...those debts were not mine alone. You forget, young Cratchit. (whispering) There was another. Robert seems lost. Thinks. A long beat. ROBERT (remembering) Marley? Scrooge nods. ROBERT (CONT'D) Jacob Marley has been dead longer than you've been incarcerated. For the first time Scrooge lets slip a smile. Robert finally breaks free, straightens his jacket, picks up the lamp. SCROOGE Dead but not gone. ROBERT You expect me to investigate a dead man. I have no time for phoney tales of I phantoms and the like. I came here for help. SCROOGE Then you are indeed just talking to a madman in a madhouse in a city long gone mad. And like that the Old Man once again retreats into the shadows. VOICE (O.S.) You okay Govner? Robert looks back down the corridor, nods to the guard we never see. SCROOGE (a voice from the darkness) You investigate your crimes. When you are ready to talk to a madman... I'll be right here. I've enjoyed talking to an old friend. Head spinning. He leans down. Picks up his notebook and hat. ROBERT Goodbye Ebenzer. I don't expect I'll ever set foot in this building again. And like that Robert walks off down the dark and dingy corridor leaving us with Scrooges dark and dingy cell. We push in slowly.. Once again seeing The Old Man's face in the gloom. Bright eyes seemingly sane once again. A sad smile on his face. SCROOGE Oh you will Bob Cratchit. You will. And with another CRACK OF THUNDER: FADE TO BLACK:
I've long since grown tired of the found footage gimmick. Even when it works I often wish they'd just made a real movie out of the same story...
Which is weird because the CHRONICLE script blew me away. By far my favourite script of 2011 (second fave was The Grey). And from the Trailer it looks like they nailed it.
I've read a few of his scripts now. He's a mad man. But Landis is the real deal. I reckon he's gonna be huge.
I can't wait to see what Tony Gilroy does with the Bourne franchise with Ed Norton starring with Renner.
ARGO is another one I'm really interested in. It's a fantastic real life story and they had a great script. Affleck seems to be going from strength to strength as a filmmaker. Looks like he;s gonna tackle THE STAND next... Gulp...
Oh... and don't get your hopes up for the Total Recall remake...
All true as far as I'm aware. Just stuff pieced together from interviews and stuff over the years.
Weird to think of the movie Sixth Sense might have been.
My Shyamalan theory...
So you have this rich kid. Told he can be whatever he wants in life. He's wants to be Steven Spielberg. He goes to a good school and with the help of his parents he's directed two feature films and he's still in his early 20's. Only problem is they both suck. It gets even worse because the second film gets picked up by MirrorMax in production and they too know it;s a turd and shelve it. Night kicks up and fuss and already this young guy in town has pretty much found himself in movie jail. This was never part of the plan. He's a genius after all.
So he decides he's write himself out of movie jail. He's write a script so good they have to let him direct it. And what do you know? He does it. Writes a script and the first draft gets him the best part of a million bucks along with him down to direct... But it never happens... lead actors come and go and the project dies... He takes writing work. Ends up working hard and for the first time he has to sit down and write draft after draft of something for a studio until he gets it right. and he does. He nails Stuart Little and his draft gets it green lit and it's a hit bringing him another fine pay day along with it.
Now he can relax a little. time to really write his way out of directors jail. It needs to be so good he's hired to direct and that it will lock down a major movie star so as to get the green light.
So he writes a script called the Sixth Sense. It's about a crime scene photographer and a serial killer.. and ghosts leaving clues. And the cops son is somehow finding these clues... It's an okay movie. In the past the M. Night genius director side of him would be more than happy to take that script and shoot it...
But he's no longer in the genius director mode. He's in screenwriter mode. He needs these script to be PERFECT. So he rewrites and rewrites until the writer side of him is happy then and only then he can go out and be confident as the director side of him to sell and pitch it to the world... and he does.
Within weeks he gets everything he wanted. They buy the script for a couple of million and hire him to direct. Willis signs on weeks later and the green light soon after. He's still only like 27-28.
They make it and he knocks it out of the park. Makes a fortune. world wide mega hit. He's a super star. Time for the next movie.
He has been working on unbreakable for a while. A more traditional narrative for this down to earth superhero story. But he takes what he learns from Sixth Sense. Takes his time. rewrites. slows it down. strips out some of the bigger genre elements... decides there's enough story there in the first act for an entire feature.. He finishes and off he goes to make unbreakable.. Does okay.
I think from this point on there's a clear line where we can see the GENIUS DIRECTOR side of him took charge of the serious screenwriter. It feels like he started shooting his first drafts. No doubt he has talents as a director but they were always heavily supported by the hard work the writer did..
So now he's onto Signs.. a movie that gets through I feel less so on script and more directorial skill... And what happens? He has another major world wide hit. From this point on that hardworking screenwriter is dead.
Why put in all that hard work in the early stage when the director is just so fuckin talented.
I think this is how shite like The Village and The Lady In the Water happened. He's so convinced of his own skills as a filmmaker he's betrayed what once made him great... or at least.. really, really good.
That's my theory anyway.
I really dug this.
It sounds like it should be playing over the animated titled sequence to a movie. Honey I Shrunk the Kids Style!
it goes to show. the people who would give Tarantino shit for taking from other movies most likely only do so because they know the movies he's taken inspiration from. Where as I bet the average move geek couldn't name a single one of the films in the above clip.
I've got to be honest... I'd heard of, but had no idea about Calvin & Hobbes.. But this short really blew me away. It is just perfect.
I'd love to see more done in different settings... desert island beach... the floor of a kiddies bedroom made up of lego or messed up toys... the surface of the moon.
Just a real fun concept.
Friends In Your Head | Forums → Posts by Dean