I am most proud of Artificial Incinemation.

It should be the title of your movie about a team of detectives tasked with taking down moonshiners while still making time in their busy schedules for sexual harassment, showing up late to work, ignoring the dress code and eating other people's lunches out of the Command post icebox.

I hate The Intermission being the name of the podcast.  It's lifeless and neither captures the attention nor would it convince me that the participants were clever.  And this is like the wittiest podcast I've ever heard.

Royalty Free Commentery
Spielberging
The Spielbergers
Hollywood Repairmen
Cinema Circlejerk
Digital VS Film
Figrin Dan and the Modal Knowitalls
Friends in your Head
The Laser Swordsmen
Kind Of A Big Deal
The Zero's Journey
The Magic Bean
The Catsavers
One Of Us Knows Jim Cameron
The Nerd Carpet
The Recasting Couch
Screenwriting Is Easy
Presented With Comment
Untitled Bill Pullman Vehicle
Master an Commentator
Nitflickers
Moviebators
Filmasturbation
Cahuenga Labs
The Silver Screenings
Dorkman Makes Angry Love To Hollywood
The Best Boys

Cinemautistic
What Are You Doing, Movie?
Hollywood Jihad
Needs A Rewrite
Script Revision
Refusing The Call
Bring Back Dollhouse
Joss Whedon Authorities
Disney Bought Us
Outsource Material
Creative Hindsight
Dorkman Makes Angry Love to Ryan Weiber
Going To The Mansion
Smown In Front
Please Silence Your Cellphones
Set Phasers to Nitpick
Let's All Go To The Lobby
Back Row Fingerfucking
The Fanfilm Menace

Loud On The Set
Roll Audio
24 Lames A Second
Wilhelm Screaming
Surrogate Screenwriting
Reel to Feel
The Superior Sequel
Backseat Directors
The Matrix Was Worth A Columbine
The Zeitgeek
Artificial Incinemation
The 180 Rule
Hanging Lamps

I came up with those in the last hour.  I'm renaming this podcast or killing myself so just tell me if indeed to keep going.

Nope.  Nope nope nope, calling bullshit on everything but the first sentence.  Taylor Lautner was not "idealized" in the twilight movies.  He was a teenaged sack of meat that women twice his age wanted to consume in similar fashion to a salt lick.  Who was more sexualized in Casino Royale? The powerful, smart, immune to James' bullshit Vesper or Daniel Craig rising dripping wet in his skivvies for no reason?  Would John Carter have been cast differently if, much like transformers, the male lead was chosen via a topless carwash?  The man who pulls his shirt off mid-movie to reveal a rippling 40 pack is not a moment that inspires me to reflect on his power and complexity and genius, it's a moment for the girls in the theater to whistle and whoop in a way I have -never once- heard in a theater when a woman's boobs are showing.

That wasn't my point, for starters- the point is that women are not written that way because writers are a bunch of 'ists, they're written that way because it's so much easier and nobody cares.  I make an effort to mostly watch decent movies.  You have spent more years than I've been paying attention (and I've at least tangentially known of you since I was 15 or so) decrying shitty movies, as has Patton Oswalt and a legion of other movie people.  And yet shitty shallow movies continue to be written.  So maybe that is the solution, or maybe it isn't, but that's not the argument at hand.

I'm not convinced that it's causing sexism.  The most anti-woman I've ever felt in my life was in direct response to years of horrifying experiences with one woman in particular and several others orbiting that time in my life.  The same is probably true of women who have a horrible experience with one or several men and wind up in the opposite camp.  I have never met anyone who was openly anti-gender who wasn't divorced or otherwise had a formative experience.

In terms of casual "Mad Men" sexism, sure, that exists.  But those are either people who haven't caught up to the times or just stupid, bad people.  You figure out a way to fix the problem of stupid, bad people and I will join that crusade in a heartbeat.  As it stands, in the last 50 years women have moved forwards so much in society that while sure, there are pockets of life where they are legitimately oppressed or behind, I don't think it's worth being so angry about something that is clearly fading.

I will certainly look into those.  I have recently discovered, to my horror, that the internet has eroded my attention span to the point that sitting and reading anything more taxing than a Harry Potter book for longer than a good sized article is a physical and mental struggle, but I'm trying to fix that.

Hey, guys, I know what's worth getting hurt and upset about!  What a douchebag artist of no real value to humanity beyond entertaining SOME people SOME of the time thinks or says or does, ever!

I once wrote "Creepy Little Freak" on the forehead of a bald kid (clearly going through radiation therapy) who asked for my autograph, though, so I'm probably not qualified to speak on this subject.  I hope he wound up laughing as hard as I did.

I've learned that as a white straight male in America my opinions on just about anything are invalid, so I just sit these out.

Actually, there were rival playwrights who tried to sneak people into the Globe to have them copy down scripts word by word so they could sell the plays or put them on theirselves for profit.  This was a good way to get yourself stabbed or hanged in Elizabethan england, and Will and Burbage worked very hard to stop that sort of shit from happening.  When it did it did, but when they had new uncopied material they did everything they could to make money off of it.

Would you prefer a system perhaps where a vengeful artist might cut your throat?

Oh I would, but thanks to Teague I can't get anywhere near a 16 foot kangaroo hide basketweave masterpiece without SOMEBODY throwing a goddamn fit because it "reminds him."  Little weepy bitch.  SHE'S ADOPTED.

Dude, own up to it.  Stealing is when you aquire something that belongs to someone else without paying for it and without their permission.  If I cloned your mother against her will and took her in her ancient, darkish-red asshole with greasy enthusiasm daily, do you think she'd object?  Because, y'know, I just copied her, I can do with that copy whatever I like.  It doesn't matter how PERSONAL that copy is to her, or how I was never meant to have a copy, or how I'm now sharing that copy with my friends and she can't make me stop.... it's a copy so technically she hasn't lost anything, right?

It's a bullshit argument.  Watch this carefully please: I, Kyle, steal content because I can't afford it and want it and it's readily available.  Bam.  That's the top and bottom of it.  No excuses, no grand moral arguments about how technically it's okay, no.  I steal movies sometimes because I'm a bad person and want to.  Just like I drive about ten miles an hour over the speed limit not because of some longwinded explanation about how technically if I drove slower than that I'd be endangering people, but because it's faster and I'm impatient.

It's stealing, and arguments like yours have been around for decades to justify shoplifting, smuggling, and various other "real" crimes.  Just own up to it and stop trying to sooth your soul by arguing against people whose livelihoods are affected by it about how it's okay.

Now that that's out of the way:

Teague, seriously, let it the FUCK GO.  One time.  One god damn time with your sister and ONE blurry snapshot of her left nipple and chin with my phone and a year later you're still dragging this shit out to throw at other people on the internet.  Seriously, how fucking sad are you?  I wasn't even HERE.  You're proving nothing by dragging out all that drama AGAIN.  We settled it.  Your sister and I had one magical egg-nog fueled evening and you NEVER would have known about it if you hadn't found my hat laying there on her moist sheets while we were out getting post-lovin' Jimmy Johns.  She's technically an adult now, she can make her own damn decisions and so can I, and it's not my fault my photobucket got hacked and her nipple wound up on 4chan.

Just let it the fuck go man, it's not cool.  Move on and live your life.  She's fucking adopted anyway.

My counter argument to this is as follows:

People falling down.

I saw it sitting one seat over from Teague and my opinion of the film is much lower.

It was gorgeous, and in every way a director can make a film good Fincher seems to have knocked it out of the park.  But the experience to me of the film was fifteen different plots crammed into two and a half hours, with one of those plots- very loosely related to any of the others- taking up almost the entire movie and the rest not much more than introduced and resolved with very little conflict.

I'm not as good at explaining my problems with movies as a Down In Fronter, so I'm just praying Dorkman or someone agrees with me and can phrase it more efficiently.

Yes, absolutely, to either option.

Frankly, I've always considered the movies a pale imitation of the books.  So pale, in fact, that they are usually less than enjoyable experiences, because as I'm watching them I'm seeing somewhat the same story I'm familiar with but with none of the magic of the books.

Now, if I'd seen the films without reading the books, I'd probably think they were okay.  Likewise, I'd be WAY more excited for a brand new Potter story independent of a book than I was for the movies (of which I haven't seen the last two).  Without needing to be shackled to a very long book, they could build a Potter story made SPECIFICALLY to be a film, and tell a good FILM story.  And since it wouldn't be a story told masterfully in a book and then adapted as best they could into a movie, it would be fresh, and we'd all be hearing the story for the first time.

Honestly, I'd be tremendously excited and would bet money the product would be better than the "book" films.